Refresh

I am not a ranter. But when I start to rant, it means I have had enough.

When I first embarked on this new journey, I had so much expectations.  This was because I was painted a really good picture of what to expect, that sometimes, I had to pinch myself if it was all true.  And most of the time, I find myself tapping my back for doing a good job for having been offered this once in a lifetime opportunity. But like gold, it lost its sparkle. Quite fast, mind you.


Big disappointment

I was lured to jump on this ship because I relied on a bountiful promise.  It couldn't happen more timely because where I was then, I needed some reassurance that I am destined for something greater.  So yes, vulnerable as I was at that time, I succumb to the offer.  I was feeling the adrenaline rush. The excitement of being able to do something beyond my imagination. With so much hope, I embarked on the journey.

As the days go by, I find myself not wanting to be in this journey anymore.  A portion of me wanted the past.  But I gave it a chance.  I tried to brush the sad feeling and convinced myself this is too soon for me to be thinking/feeling this way.  However, as I get to know what this journey is all about, I cringed and couldn't believe what I got myself into.  What I thought was better, turned out to be worse.

The ranting just never stops.  To a certain extent it felt all too familiar, only worse.  And I was ranting myself too with what I was seeing and hearing.  And there's so much punchlines to throw out because of the situation.  Good thing is, we are still able to find humor in it.  BUT this can only last for awhile.  I just hope I won't be able to reach the saturation point soon.

Just this week, I had a sad realization. I was able to say out loud that "I was more happy where I was before than where I am now".  Taking into consideration the entirety of this journey.  Needless to say, what seemed to be promising turned out to be a big disappointment.