sometimes, a person who causes you so much pain is also the same person who causes you so much happiness....

--0o0--

you were someone who can never be mine.
at least for now, i'd always think.
somehow your actions give me hope.
that doors of opportunity will open for us someday.

maybe i dreamed of 'us' too much.
i'm beginning to forget the reality around me.
that until i proved my suspicions right,
then everything else will fall into place.

my heart cringe everytime i think you are with her.
to the person that you rightfully belong.
i wish you your happiness with her, i swear.
it's just that the pain is too much for me to bear.

to the heavens i cry to make you mine.
yet all i see is the bright blue sky.
each night that passes by,
you and i are still friends, only just friends.

i know in your heart i am special to you.
only i don't know upto what extent.
there may never be a chance for me to confirm
and you may never know i've given my world to you.

--o0o--

of all the men that exist,
why does it have to be you?
the man i'm beginning to fall in love with,
the same man who gives me much uncertainty.

for a time i thought it was me who you love.
only to find out it was somebody else.
yet she was not just any girl,
but a friend, a good friend of mine.

i tried to repress what i hope and feel,
i gave way for you both
that's how much i love you, you see
for your happiness, i'll give u support.

but why does it have to be her?
i could have taken it easier if it were just another girl.
to know what you have been doing is just too much,
it could have been me in her shoes.

but if it is in my friend you'll find what you're looking for,
then i have nothing more to object.
because for everytime your face lifts up with i smile,
i too smile, but with tears streaming down my eyes.

sometimes, all you need is one night, then the rest is history...

i have this classmate who is much older than me, but she's really fun to be with and so not her age at all! but we weren't 'friends' in that kind of sense... though we started to hang out because we were together in our summer classes. i guess that's when we became 'friends'. so we would plan gimmicks and out of town trips...

the first time we went out, it was at our classmate's house. it was a night of songs and booze... we just happened to be seated next to each other then we started to talk. we've talked about beauty tips, even about our personal stuffs we wouldn't have imagined sharing with each other! but i guess, we have sunk in to that comfortable level that we held no bars with our conversations. i have to admit, we share more things in common than i could have possibly thought of! we spent the night chatting.. whether it brought us laughter or perhaps teary-eyed...

at that point, we have established our friendship... every gimmick that came after that, we would almost always end up pretty much that first time... it would feel like it was only us around when we are in a table full of everybody else... we have that little world of our own... and of course our buddy San Mig is keeping us company too. oh and another friend, Malboro who shares with our stories too.

it is amazing how people come into our lives and change it. it alomost always happens at a time you least expect it and to a person whom you never thought would be.. but i am glad she came along, i have been really bored and having her as a friend whom i could talk, drink and have fun with, really makes me see the rainbow behind the dark clouds...

sometimes it is not always about love...

why is it when we see a man and a woman who seem 'close', we often wonder if they're in a relationship or not? or if they're dating? or if they're in love?

i have to admit though, i too am guilty of thinking of those stuffs. but lately, it made me realize that when a man and woman are together, it does not necessarily follow that they're more than friends. coz you see, it is possible they're JUST friends.. it is!

i have this guy friend whom i've become really close to. we started out as a 'loveteam' but not the real kind. it was just for fun. to make someone, who we think likes him, jealous. it was just a test to confirm our suspicions. but the thing is, this guy and i became genuinely friends... we talk almost every night. we would always have good laughs and great conversations. he is easy to talk to. we do not censor things to talk about. it is almost like conversing to your soulmate...

it's been almost 2 years of a great friendship. i guess we have become very comfortable with each other. or maybe too much that people around us started teasing us. but we are good sport. we would ride along.. we never take it seriously. maybe because we both know where we stand in each other's lives, so there's really no need for the awkward drama. we actually talk about it, how people acts so weird, trying to make sure we are seated next to each other. or how we feel being stared at everytime we talk. or how they assume like there is an 'us'. we just shrug it off. no reaction. but at some point, i lost it. i panicked for awhile. he has a girlfriend, so i guess that's why. i would not want to be branded as somebody's mistress! excuse me! hehehe but he assured me no one is thinking like that. or that there's no rumor going around about us. and that he's there for me. he even told me our best defense is to keep them guessing... but is it really? for a time, i did stay away from him. to tone down whatever that is going around... perhaps damage control. but eventually i loosened up. i realized, i am not guilty of doing anything wrong, so why sacrifice our friendship, right? so we were normal again...

this guy and i just share the same wavelength. i guess that's why we are very comfortable with each other. but we have never took a step beyond the boundary of our friendship... we never even attempted to. we are two people enjoying each other's company. and with that, we are satisfied with the relationship that we have, as friends.