Dignified Silence

I have never been the warrior type. Someone who would right then and there attack another person. I'd like to believe I am very rational and composed that fighting back, either physically or verbally, is a waste of time. I'd rather turn my back at you then block you off completely without saying a word. Dignified silence, that's my style.

I guess it comes with my upbringing. I am the youngest and was taught to always sunmit to authority -- elder people. So I grew up not knowing how to fight back because it is instilled in me that it is not nice. That I shouldn't engage myself in anyway in that kind of situation because it is so improper. I have never in my entire life talked back to my parents, EVER! Talk back meaning shout at them or simply show them disrespect. I am not the type and will never do that. It's too scandalous even just to imagine me doing it. It is just not right. Sure on the FEW occasions that I am being disciplined, I would reason out but always in a very humble voice and demeanor. Of course I know I won't win, but what's important is that I was able to make my point. My goal really is just to knock off some senses that I am not entirely at fault. Whatever the outcome might be, is not a big deal anymore.

So what do I do when I'm angry? I turn to music. I have always believed that music is better than talking to a shrink or to anyone in the height of emotion. It calms you down or it may voice out your frustrations. Take your pick. Me, few years back, I would lock myself in my room and play hardcore trance. I'll turn up the volume (but not too loud because I might be reprimanded again!). Just enough to silence everything else around me. The following day, I'm apathetic. I'm very proud too that I'd die if I make the first move to make amends. Maybe unless it's my fault so that's an exception. But if I think I did nothing wrong, don't expect I'll act up fine like nothing happened.

Over the years though, I realized, getting angry gets you nowhere. It doesn't solve anything. Certainly it doesn't make the you feel better. So I have developed a new way of dealing with unnecessary stress. Walking away and completely blocking off whoever, whatever. Of course, walking away is my constant logical reaction. It won't add fuel to the fire. On the contrary, the angry feelings would just die naturally. But blocking off people, hmmmm.. maybe just for awhile. However, it is inevitable that our paths will cross again one day, someday. So we'll cross the bridge when we get there. But for now, I'll silently exist and keep off under your radar.

Dahil May Isang Ikaw

The last time I watched a Filipino soap religiously was in college, "Pangako Sa'yo". I remember I would flock with my dormmates in our TV room to watch it. The love story of Angelo and Inah. Loved the actors and the characters they portrayed. Not crazy about the story though. Typical Filipino story, but it was good enough to make me watch it til its ending.

The succeeding soaps I watch, I can't really remember well. Maybe because I was only accidentally watching it. Because my mom would watch it when she was accompanying me while I was having a late dinner, from school then. I would guess the next scenarios and sometimes even the lines. Then my mom would be pissed coz according to her, I was destroying the suspense. haha I love doing that all the time.

Just last Monday, a new soap was launched by ABS-CBN, Dahil May Isang Ikaw. They will be portraying lawyer characters. Something I am looking forward to watching. A first in Philippine teleserye. I'd like to see how they will 'dramatize' the court scenes. There's no doubt it is a 'glamourized' version. Most likely, far from the real thing. Nonetheless, as long as there is a judge, lawyers, witnesses and clients, surely I will be watching intently.

This is quite a timely soap, at least as far as I am concerned. I am currently being introduced with the law world. I am slowly diving into the real life of a lawyer. I have been on court hearing field trips last week. Trying to pick up a thing or two. I have to say, I am getting more interested and excited eachtime. Makes me wonder why I was shying away from this before. As Gig put it, he likes the adrenaline rush everytime he is in court. I'd like to have a piece of that too.

Superficial

Everything is not always what they seem. People say one thing yet mean another. Most of the time, people are only nice to you when they need something. Sad but it's a hard fact. Superficiality. People wear masks to get what they want.

Others just can't wait to tarnish whatever good you have done. They try to destroy you even if you haven't done anything to them but good. It has only been awhile that they were nice-y nice to you but just right after you turn your back, crappy things are coming out from them about you. Things you don't deserve to get. Because if anything, you did them a favor. They were gracious receiver but never grateful. They sucked all the life in you until there's nothing more to give. Only to realize that they spit it out without hesitation, worse, with disgust.

There's only so much one can say about someone. But say it to people who don't know who you're bashing. You're just unmasking yourself. Showing them that yes, you are a fake! Or maybe you meant to say it to them because you wanted the other person to know. I dont' know. And quite frankly, I don't care!