Father's Day

Two days ago was father’s day. It tears up my heart not being able to spend it with the most important man in my life. Aside from his birthday, this is the only day that centers the attention to him. And it’s just not any other day to remind him how much we appreciate and love him, but this day honors his fatherhood. Something that a lot of fathers probably take for granted. But not my dad, no sire!

My dad is a disciplinarian. Sure we had our share of spanking and other punishments growing up. For the most part, he will just stare at you and you’ll know you’re doing something wrong and you better behave fast. Hahaha Yes, we were disciplined like that. Subtle but piercing.

My dad has always been the man in authority. He is the eldest of seven brothers. He played God when my grandfather wasn’t around. He was (and still is) used to giving orders and normally expects being obeyed. Just like my grandfather. He grew up in a home where respect is more than just a word. It is a household principle that they should live by. That’s why kissing (or beso) is greatly practiced in our family. Imagine my dad’s brothers kissing their elder brothers. The youngest would be the most kawawa of all. The number of people you have to rub cheeks with! It was only probably when the olds die that the younger brothers stopped the beso. But addressing the elder brothers as ‘Manong’ is still very much in practice still. So there’s no surprise he brought that kind of attitude in raising me and my sister. Good thing my mom was there to somehow ease the punishments for us. We didn’t really have a lot of mistakes back in the day, mind you. I guess he believes that prevention is better than cure. We know what dad wouldn’t like so we refrain from doing them. Makes perfect sense.

I am proud to say that I am one of the few lucky ones sharing a beautiful relationship with their dads. To sum it all up, I am a self-professed daddy’s girl. It is both a blessing and a curse though. I will be forever a kid to my dad’s eyes. And every man who attempts to come close, he will surely criticize.

I guess my dad was feeling lacking too that day. Later that night, he called me up for a little chat. I asked him how he spent the Father’s Day. But somehow I feel all he wanted to say was, “I wish you were here.” So do I dad. At least, I get to be the first (greeted him the Saturday night) and the last to wish him Happy Father’s Day, with much love.

Price Tag

There are times where you are handed a gift, beautifully wrapped, by a person whom you expect nothing less from. You take that gift grinning really wide. You run down on your head what could it be. However, when you opened the gift, you find yourself surprised of what you have uncovered. A cheap-looking say, wall clock. Definitely something you’d never think of receiving. Well, at least not from that person. But there it is, right in front of you. Tick tock. And he’s there too. Waiting for your reaction. So you fake a smile. Of course you don’t want to be impolite. You express your gratitude in the best way you possibly can, given the circumstances. He’s pleased, thinking that you are too. You gracefully exited yourself went inside a safe room then breakdown in disgust. How could he possibly think you’d appreciate a gift like that?! Certainly you are worth more than that. He knows that, hell, he should know. But he chose instead to make you feel less than how much you are really worth.

Knowing your worth is one thing. People recognizing your worth is another. There’s no straight-line equation on how you can measure up your capabilities. It is very relative. You may be thinking you’ve accomplished enough to make you rise to a higher level but someone else thinks you’re still too raw and that you are still a few notches behind.

It takes a leap of faith to invest on someone. No one has to prove anything to anyone. Well, at least not outright. A chance must be first given. Let’s say you are given that opportunity. No matter how hard you try, you always fall short of his expectation. Or at least that’s what he makes you feel. Although you know that’s not completely true. You convince yourself that he’s doing that to push you harder – for you to maximize your potential. That it is for your own good. You allow it to happen for so long, hoping that one day he’d recognize your true worth and give you something to commensurate it. Except that you don’t see anything like that happening sometime soon. So you find yourself asking, “now what?” Surely if there’s another opportunity better than what you have now, you’ll jump right to it without hesitations.

Human nature dictates you to be in constant quest for contentment. It is said that you will only find that if everything finally falls into place. At least according to your own definition. In this karmic world we live in, it will never be a one-sided battle. Every element must be weaved together. As each person is worth something, there is always someone, hopefully, who is willing to pay for your price tag.

Sometimes all we need is reassurance. Something that would tell us that we are doing a good job. And what better way to show it is by making that someone feel her worth.

Reverse

I have long been a fan of Greys Anatomy. For starters, I watch it because it’s a doctor’s drama. They play the role I know I will never become. So I’ll content myself by watching it on TV. But as I watch episode after episode, I can’t help but fall in love with the show. The sucker that I am for series, I just have to add this up to my list. So as the weeks progressed, the plot thickens, although it’s pretty predictable they will fool around among themselves. It’s television, what can you expect, right? And one thing more I love with the show is the narration at the beginning and end of the show. I just realized, another show I watch, One Tree Hill, also has the same narration format. The things they narrate sometimes sound like it came from a forwarded text message. But at times, it makes me ponder too, in fairness. Of course, there is McDreamy whose smile is just annoyingly pleasant to watch. And not to mention McSteamy joining the riot of Seattle’s Grace Hospital. These two gentlemen sizzles the hospital, no doubt. And these Mc codes they so often use in the show prompted me and Tricia to cook up our own. Well, we have Happy Meal and McT. Their identity I will not reveal. They are both practically non-existent to us now, so never mind that I even mentioned them. Last but not the least, there is Meredith Grey. The fickle-minded, anti-commitment woman that she is, I’m sure a lot of career women (ehem ehem) can totally identify with.

Anyhoo, I was watching last night’s episode, it was such a disturbing development of their story. The doctor becoming the patient. Probably depending on how you see it, the effect is different. For me, it is such a scary situation. Knowing exactly how they will cut and go inside your body is just too gruesome for me. To start with, anything that involves knives, bodies and blood make me nauseous. So no surprise there. I wonder how it would make me feel... Years down the road of law practice and suddenly the lawyer becomes the client? Gosh. It is too much to digest, even just thinking of it. The showman is now just a spectator. It is such an awkward, awful situation to be in. But looking at it on the other perspective, you will be able to make an intelligent decision on the next steps to take. It is the only upside that I could think of. Just on top of my head now. Weirdly though, I can’t rationalize deeper than my shallow analysis or should I say observation. Hahaha Or bluntly put, make this blog entry longer. I just want to get that thought out there. So there.