Another Route

Tonight, there was a small family get together. The occasion: my cousin, Vanessa's, capping. How time flies. Soon she'll be graduating and become a nurse. That makes me... well, old. hahaha Anyway, like I've said, it is an intimate family dinner with a few other relatives as guests. To start with, the 2 old maids, my grandmother's half-cousins. But the family is really close with them. They say nothing but kind words about Lola. And the other guests are Tita Pe (my grandmother's sis-in-law) and her daughter Tita Girly, who is by the way, the present Ambassador of Israel.

I guess like in any other gatherings, visitors find their own places, where to sit and who to sit with. It is our family custom that the elder people sit on the 'presidential table' so to speak. Everybody else scramble to look for their own places. Myself, together with my cousins, managed to find our own place at the informal dining table. Of course it was a rowdy & noisy group since we were with the young ones, feeling young ourselves. However, as the fun is on its peak, my uncle showed up and summoned me to join them at the presidential table. I was embarassed given the special treatment (this started happening after I passed the bar). I had no choice but to comply. So I settled myself in between him and my dad. It was a table with grown up conversations. After all, they were all elderly people. hahaha Sure they gossipped but still related to the current events and a little of history.

They see me as someone so young and my future ahead of me. They wanted to take my hand and introduce me to a path I wouldn't have considered because of my ignorance... Or so they thought. Ironically tho, I've been giving that path a thought. Tonight was my chance to get a tip from an insider. A little push and a bit of assurance, I was hooked.

So yeah, I'm back to that route again. Actually, I haven't completely abandoned it. I have just put it aside. Now, I am exploring it back once more. But one thing's for sure. I wouldn't want to bring a gun that's not loaded. When I do make the move to walk on that route, I will make sure that I am very much equipped.

In My Life

Jolog na kung jologs. I won't be ashamed to admit that I was looking forward to watching this movie. It's not because of the actors nor the story. It's because of the location... New York. The second city I fell in love with instantly.

I have to say, I am a bit skeptical about the movie. I thought the focus is on the gay relationship. But it is not entirely that. You know what they say, "Don't judge the book by its cover."

The story actually depicted typical Filipinos abroad. There is a struggling TNT, a successful Filipino, a young couple without a child, and of course a Filipino who at first isn't crazy about the U.S. but eventually loved it.

1. Most plight of the TNTs would probably be finding a job that would enable them to earn enough money to sustain their daily needs with extra cash to send to the family left back home. Another would be finding ways to legalize their stay. One of the popular ways they resort to is 'marriage for convenience'. You have to bear in mind though that you should marry a U.S. citizen (not just a Greeencard holder) for you to actually change your status. So these TNTs have to come up with the money they have to pay their 'spouses' in exchange for papers. It's a risky situation. But reality dictates that desparate needs call for desparate measures.

2. A successful Filipino. In the U.S., the more successful you are, the less time you have for yourself or your family. In the movie, his character couldn't find the time to accompany his mom. He would always be either too busy or got caught up with something. I guess it is safe to say that work ethics is a serious matter, delivering results is very important and you must be accountable to your actions.

3. The young married couple having no children. It's common knowledge that in abroad, having a nanny for your child is very expensive. That having a child is an important issue the couple must decide on. A lot of factors has to be weighed in in the decision-making process.

4. A first-timer tourist who loved the U.S. more than expected. I have to admit, I am one of those persons who say 'I just want to see the U.S., that's it'. But setting foot on New York made my heart flip flop and actually made me want to live there! Anyway, adjusting with the way of life and the lifestyle is the first hurdle you have to pass. It's a totally different environment and if you're not open to change and to learning new things, you may have a difficulty blending in.

The story really never focused on the sexuality of the characters. It is just a spice in the story. Of course it is an issue that had to be addressed. But only at the beginning. Once that issue was resolved, the story focused on the characters and their relationship with one another. It's a welcomed breather as it is not your ordinary love story about a girl and a boy who fell in love, broke up and eventually realized that they're really meant for each other.. A happy ending. This movie depicts different levels of love from different persons. The extent of how we can adapt to change and actually embrace it. How candidly one instance can make you appreciate what you have. Most importantly, how greatly a single circumstance can affect you for the rest of your life.

I love the first part of the movie. The boys touring Vilma around the city. The scenes made me sigh as I was brought back to one of my happiest moments! hahaha Seeing NYC again makes me want to book a flight and vanish from here.. pronto! hehehe

I'm secretly praying that next year plan with my friends will push through. I have exactly a year to save up for the trip. I just hope I'd be able to or who knows, maybe parents will bring me along with them. We'll see.

Dignified Silence

I have never been the warrior type. Someone who would right then and there attack another person. I'd like to believe I am very rational and composed that fighting back, either physically or verbally, is a waste of time. I'd rather turn my back at you then block you off completely without saying a word. Dignified silence, that's my style.

I guess it comes with my upbringing. I am the youngest and was taught to always sunmit to authority -- elder people. So I grew up not knowing how to fight back because it is instilled in me that it is not nice. That I shouldn't engage myself in anyway in that kind of situation because it is so improper. I have never in my entire life talked back to my parents, EVER! Talk back meaning shout at them or simply show them disrespect. I am not the type and will never do that. It's too scandalous even just to imagine me doing it. It is just not right. Sure on the FEW occasions that I am being disciplined, I would reason out but always in a very humble voice and demeanor. Of course I know I won't win, but what's important is that I was able to make my point. My goal really is just to knock off some senses that I am not entirely at fault. Whatever the outcome might be, is not a big deal anymore.

So what do I do when I'm angry? I turn to music. I have always believed that music is better than talking to a shrink or to anyone in the height of emotion. It calms you down or it may voice out your frustrations. Take your pick. Me, few years back, I would lock myself in my room and play hardcore trance. I'll turn up the volume (but not too loud because I might be reprimanded again!). Just enough to silence everything else around me. The following day, I'm apathetic. I'm very proud too that I'd die if I make the first move to make amends. Maybe unless it's my fault so that's an exception. But if I think I did nothing wrong, don't expect I'll act up fine like nothing happened.

Over the years though, I realized, getting angry gets you nowhere. It doesn't solve anything. Certainly it doesn't make the you feel better. So I have developed a new way of dealing with unnecessary stress. Walking away and completely blocking off whoever, whatever. Of course, walking away is my constant logical reaction. It won't add fuel to the fire. On the contrary, the angry feelings would just die naturally. But blocking off people, hmmmm.. maybe just for awhile. However, it is inevitable that our paths will cross again one day, someday. So we'll cross the bridge when we get there. But for now, I'll silently exist and keep off under your radar.

Dahil May Isang Ikaw

The last time I watched a Filipino soap religiously was in college, "Pangako Sa'yo". I remember I would flock with my dormmates in our TV room to watch it. The love story of Angelo and Inah. Loved the actors and the characters they portrayed. Not crazy about the story though. Typical Filipino story, but it was good enough to make me watch it til its ending.

The succeeding soaps I watch, I can't really remember well. Maybe because I was only accidentally watching it. Because my mom would watch it when she was accompanying me while I was having a late dinner, from school then. I would guess the next scenarios and sometimes even the lines. Then my mom would be pissed coz according to her, I was destroying the suspense. haha I love doing that all the time.

Just last Monday, a new soap was launched by ABS-CBN, Dahil May Isang Ikaw. They will be portraying lawyer characters. Something I am looking forward to watching. A first in Philippine teleserye. I'd like to see how they will 'dramatize' the court scenes. There's no doubt it is a 'glamourized' version. Most likely, far from the real thing. Nonetheless, as long as there is a judge, lawyers, witnesses and clients, surely I will be watching intently.

This is quite a timely soap, at least as far as I am concerned. I am currently being introduced with the law world. I am slowly diving into the real life of a lawyer. I have been on court hearing field trips last week. Trying to pick up a thing or two. I have to say, I am getting more interested and excited eachtime. Makes me wonder why I was shying away from this before. As Gig put it, he likes the adrenaline rush everytime he is in court. I'd like to have a piece of that too.

Superficial

Everything is not always what they seem. People say one thing yet mean another. Most of the time, people are only nice to you when they need something. Sad but it's a hard fact. Superficiality. People wear masks to get what they want.

Others just can't wait to tarnish whatever good you have done. They try to destroy you even if you haven't done anything to them but good. It has only been awhile that they were nice-y nice to you but just right after you turn your back, crappy things are coming out from them about you. Things you don't deserve to get. Because if anything, you did them a favor. They were gracious receiver but never grateful. They sucked all the life in you until there's nothing more to give. Only to realize that they spit it out without hesitation, worse, with disgust.

There's only so much one can say about someone. But say it to people who don't know who you're bashing. You're just unmasking yourself. Showing them that yes, you are a fake! Or maybe you meant to say it to them because you wanted the other person to know. I dont' know. And quite frankly, I don't care!

Right of Change

There are 3 things that are constant in this world: death, taxes and change. As for death, it is a constant period. It is a popular example in law school as a day certain, “that which must necessarily come, although it may not be known when.” It sounds creepy but death is a perfect example. As for taxes, it is a constant condition. For as long as you are earning, you must report and pay taxes. And as for change, it is constant right. For as long as you haven’t entered into an agreement which merits some penalty for effecting change, you can very well exercise that right. Although it has not stop others from doing so anyway.

Last weekend, I found myself curled up on a chair not wanting to put down the book I was reading. It is a light-read by Sophie Kinsela, The Undomestic Goddess. It’s been a long time since I last spent a day reading for pleasure. The story is about a lawyer who is about to make partner in a top law firm. This has always been her plan. After 7 years of working for it, she will finally reap her hard work. However, she found herself in an uncompromising situation that will jeopardize her being a partner. Feeling lost, she went away to destination nowhere. Her sudden escape led her to the countryside of London. And what’s more surprising, she got herself a new job by mistake, as a housekeeper! Definitely far from her plans. But she played along with it thinking this is a perfect plot to distract her from facing her dark past. Everything is completely alien to her. She had to learn everything from scratch. Just as when she was actually enjoying and getting the hang of things, she found herself webbed back to her past. As a lawyer, it is innate to be curious and wanting for answer. In her case, she wanted vindication. When she got that, she was offered by the firm her old position. Of course, the rational decision was to take it. But before she takes that first step back into the law firm, she realized she didn’t want it anymore. She has changed her mind.

Probably most often, we find ourselves in the same situation as the character in the book. Just because we want something since time immemorial, it doesn’t mean we can’t want something else, right? In fact, being in the same situation for so long can result to a boring routine. But as with the character, she didn’t realize it until she got the chance to experience something completely different from what she’s used to.

Change comes in different forms, happens in different occasions and reaps different results. Most of the time, it is self-imposed. A decision made in consideration of something better or sometimes in a leap of faith. Other times, it is forced on to us. We have no choice but embrace the change.

I think change is good. It may seem scary at first tho. It’s like throwing yourself into the unknown. But that’s the exciting part of it. To be able to learn something new, discover yourself better and widen your reach. As long as you are determined to make that 360 degrees turn, I’ll exercise my right to change in a heartbeat.

Father's Day

Two days ago was father’s day. It tears up my heart not being able to spend it with the most important man in my life. Aside from his birthday, this is the only day that centers the attention to him. And it’s just not any other day to remind him how much we appreciate and love him, but this day honors his fatherhood. Something that a lot of fathers probably take for granted. But not my dad, no sire!

My dad is a disciplinarian. Sure we had our share of spanking and other punishments growing up. For the most part, he will just stare at you and you’ll know you’re doing something wrong and you better behave fast. Hahaha Yes, we were disciplined like that. Subtle but piercing.

My dad has always been the man in authority. He is the eldest of seven brothers. He played God when my grandfather wasn’t around. He was (and still is) used to giving orders and normally expects being obeyed. Just like my grandfather. He grew up in a home where respect is more than just a word. It is a household principle that they should live by. That’s why kissing (or beso) is greatly practiced in our family. Imagine my dad’s brothers kissing their elder brothers. The youngest would be the most kawawa of all. The number of people you have to rub cheeks with! It was only probably when the olds die that the younger brothers stopped the beso. But addressing the elder brothers as ‘Manong’ is still very much in practice still. So there’s no surprise he brought that kind of attitude in raising me and my sister. Good thing my mom was there to somehow ease the punishments for us. We didn’t really have a lot of mistakes back in the day, mind you. I guess he believes that prevention is better than cure. We know what dad wouldn’t like so we refrain from doing them. Makes perfect sense.

I am proud to say that I am one of the few lucky ones sharing a beautiful relationship with their dads. To sum it all up, I am a self-professed daddy’s girl. It is both a blessing and a curse though. I will be forever a kid to my dad’s eyes. And every man who attempts to come close, he will surely criticize.

I guess my dad was feeling lacking too that day. Later that night, he called me up for a little chat. I asked him how he spent the Father’s Day. But somehow I feel all he wanted to say was, “I wish you were here.” So do I dad. At least, I get to be the first (greeted him the Saturday night) and the last to wish him Happy Father’s Day, with much love.