I have never been the warrior type. Someone who would right then and there attack another person. I'd like to believe I am very rational and composed that fighting back, either physically or verbally, is a waste of time. I'd rather turn my back at you then block you off completely without saying a word. Dignified silence, that's my style.
I guess it comes with my upbringing. I am the youngest and was taught to always sunmit to authority -- elder people. So I grew up not knowing how to fight back because it is instilled in me that it is not nice. That I shouldn't engage myself in anyway in that kind of situation because it is so improper. I have never in my entire life talked back to my parents, EVER! Talk back meaning shout at them or simply show them disrespect. I am not the type and will never do that. It's too scandalous even just to imagine me doing it. It is just not right. Sure on the FEW occasions that I am being disciplined, I would reason out but always in a very humble voice and demeanor. Of course I know I won't win, but what's important is that I was able to make my point. My goal really is just to knock off some senses that I am not entirely at fault. Whatever the outcome might be, is not a big deal anymore.
So what do I do when I'm angry? I turn to music. I have always believed that music is better than talking to a shrink or to anyone in the height of emotion. It calms you down or it may voice out your frustrations. Take your pick. Me, few years back, I would lock myself in my room and play hardcore trance. I'll turn up the volume (but not too loud because I might be reprimanded again!). Just enough to silence everything else around me. The following day, I'm apathetic. I'm very proud too that I'd die if I make the first move to make amends. Maybe unless it's my fault so that's an exception. But if I think I did nothing wrong, don't expect I'll act up fine like nothing happened.
Over the years though, I realized, getting angry gets you nowhere. It doesn't solve anything. Certainly it doesn't make the you feel better. So I have developed a new way of dealing with unnecessary stress. Walking away and completely blocking off whoever, whatever. Of course, walking away is my constant logical reaction. It won't add fuel to the fire. On the contrary, the angry feelings would just die naturally. But blocking off people, hmmmm.. maybe just for awhile. However, it is inevitable that our paths will cross again one day, someday. So we'll cross the bridge when we get there. But for now, I'll silently exist and keep off under your radar.
I guess it comes with my upbringing. I am the youngest and was taught to always sunmit to authority -- elder people. So I grew up not knowing how to fight back because it is instilled in me that it is not nice. That I shouldn't engage myself in anyway in that kind of situation because it is so improper. I have never in my entire life talked back to my parents, EVER! Talk back meaning shout at them or simply show them disrespect. I am not the type and will never do that. It's too scandalous even just to imagine me doing it. It is just not right. Sure on the FEW occasions that I am being disciplined, I would reason out but always in a very humble voice and demeanor. Of course I know I won't win, but what's important is that I was able to make my point. My goal really is just to knock off some senses that I am not entirely at fault. Whatever the outcome might be, is not a big deal anymore.
So what do I do when I'm angry? I turn to music. I have always believed that music is better than talking to a shrink or to anyone in the height of emotion. It calms you down or it may voice out your frustrations. Take your pick. Me, few years back, I would lock myself in my room and play hardcore trance. I'll turn up the volume (but not too loud because I might be reprimanded again!). Just enough to silence everything else around me. The following day, I'm apathetic. I'm very proud too that I'd die if I make the first move to make amends. Maybe unless it's my fault so that's an exception. But if I think I did nothing wrong, don't expect I'll act up fine like nothing happened.
Over the years though, I realized, getting angry gets you nowhere. It doesn't solve anything. Certainly it doesn't make the you feel better. So I have developed a new way of dealing with unnecessary stress. Walking away and completely blocking off whoever, whatever. Of course, walking away is my constant logical reaction. It won't add fuel to the fire. On the contrary, the angry feelings would just die naturally. But blocking off people, hmmmm.. maybe just for awhile. However, it is inevitable that our paths will cross again one day, someday. So we'll cross the bridge when we get there. But for now, I'll silently exist and keep off under your radar.
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