clarification

i was checking my blog this morning. thinking of writing something. but then i started reading my last entry. and frankly, quite shocked to see a comment.hehehe i haven't told anyone that i have this blog. well, i am just crazy to think that no one will stumble upon this. and to think it's kind of out there.

anyway, i felt really bad about the part i wrote about me not wanting to be associated with the Dean. i didn't mean to make it sound negative. i wrote that blog entry when i was having a bad day. and naturally my feelings were overwhelming. no intention of anything negative.

so i will explain myself.

the Nemenzo family really hailed from Pinamungahan, Cebu. My grandmother came from Isabela, Negros Occidental. they both met in Cebu. my grandmother was a college student. and he was a law student. they would describe his courtship as "dumadaan sa butas ng karayum". she was living in a dormitory operated by nuns. so go figure. but lucky for him, he got the woman. my dad, thier eldest of 7 boys, was born in Cebu. but later they moved to Isabela. they grew up there. my dad went back to Cebu for college. but most of his siblings studied in Bacolod after my grandfather retired from the judiciary. needless to say, i too grew up here. i haven't met or been close to any of the relatives of my grandfather. except the family of his younger brother who moved and lived in Cadiz. other than them, relatives from the Nemenzo side are mere acquaintances.

i was a freshman in UST when he was named the new president of UP. i read the interview he did for the Inquirer. it gave me chills. i was beaming with so much pride that i am a relative of his. i have not met him yet then. i have only heard great stories about him. but apart of me feels the familiarity. he kinda resembles my grandfather. he has the same nickname the same as his.

i only know him by name through the stories of my dad. i know that he is an extraordinarily intelligent man. a prominent figure in the society. that his family has quite a reputation in UP. which kinda led me to make a mental note never to enrol in that school. why? i am intimidated of course. i would probably drown with pressure. people assuming you are as brilliant as them. something which i humbly admit that i am not. i am just a kid, trying to find my place in this world. the last thing i need is having to exert too much effort trying to be someone i'm not.

as my dad has always said, 'once you're happy with what you do, you're good'. no pressure. no attachments. no promises. it's all about what i want.

so there. i don't want to be associated with him because i'm scared to be a disappointment to him, to others and to myself. i don't want the spotlight. all i want is a simple but productive career/life. =)

a meltdown

i am having a bad day today. i don't know. i woke up not ready for the day. but i had to get out of bed to prepare for my review class. there was a nagging bad feeling. i can't explain it.

after drying my hair and waiting for my breakfast, i surfed the tv. dammit! no good show to watch. all the more i got restless. but i settled for news. even what was shown on anc wasn't nice! darn! so i instead watched news asia on cnn. which was really depressing because of the oil price jacking up and people have been protesting it all over asia!

anyway, as much as i was tempted to skip my review class today and read on my own, i can't. i was scheduled for my coaching anytime today. so i have to be in school.

as usual, i wasn't able to leave on time. i left at exactly 8. my class starts at 8! hahaha but if it's any consolation for me, my watch is 15 mins advance than their time. so i arrived 45 mins past 8, my time. yep, i travel that long. that's without traffic still. good thing my review schedule does not fall on a rush hour. so hooray for me!

when i arrived in school, the lecturer was still setting up his powerpoint presentation. so i haven't missed anything. waited some more. so i read the handout they gave us. it was actually the written version of the lecture yesterday.

when the lecture finally started, (the technical problem not solved) i didn't like the lecturer. it's 9am and he is just so boring! there wasn't any effort from him to keep us from falling asleep. so took out my celfone, waiting for the text that it's my turn for the coaching. i was hoping i'd be called in the morning then i'd skip the afternoon class. i really didn't like him. i was staring at him, trying to listen but then i just couldn't absorb it. at all. so i figured this is just a waste of time.

then the text came. around 11 am. so i was happy. i got my wish. i texted my helper that i'd be eating my lunch at home after all. gave instructions for additional viand to cook. when i arrived at the 'coaching room', i had to wait. someone was being coached before me pa. i was hoping for this coach. during the testimonial of the bar passers, her name was repeated several times. so i guess she gives effective advice.

so here we go. in fairness, neatness is very good. my form is not too good. i don't follow the cue words. well, at least not consistently. sometimes i do, but most often, i don't.hehehe and also, i don't spot "the issue". i can spot the issue, yes. but not the main one. so memo to me. analyze the problem well. i usually just read the question once. and whatever comes to mind, that's it. i'll revolve my argument around it. it's wrong! argh! and my answers didn't have logic! my 2nd and 3rd paragraphs don't connect. it doesn't make sense. so i guess i have a lot of improvements to do. my handwriting is too narrow. it's difficult to read daw. she suggested that i use a thicker ink. i will try that. oh, but i do have 1 number that's perfectly answered! she said it's short and sweet. and it's perfect. hehehe she even put a star on it.

after the coaching, it got me all down... something is missing. i can't figure out what. i have been diligently studying. but when she looked over my paper, it seemed to tell me that i'm not ready. despite and inspite my effort. i probably lack heart into this. i know i will be a good lawyer. i was prepared, built and ready to be this. but i can't seem to conquer the final step to becoming it. i can feel it. there's is a space. an empty, hollow blank somewhere in me... i have to figure it out fast and hopefully fill it in. time is running out. it's barely 3 months til the first sunday.. i can't afford another failure. i have to pass this this time. i have to.

it's not a race

i was going through someone's friendster the other night and in one of her pictures, a friend of hers was wearing a black shirt with a print "IT'S NOT A RACE". i don't know, but i felt that that statement on her shirt was for me.

weeks before the release of the results, i have been meeting lawyers, law students and watched law related movies (which was by coincidence). it got me wondering. i knew it was a sign. but as to what kind, i really wasn't sure. my sister was optimistic saying it probably means you're going to pass. i was hesitant to agree with her. i dare not to.

this lawyer i met was asking me about my plans. where i will work, where i want to concentrate on and was asking bout my 5-year plan! i was overwhelmed by it. i haven't really thought that far. i wanted to see the results first then we'll see. but i do have a plan b if i won't make it. weird but true. she was telling me about her law school experience. her bar experience. all the urban legends of those who have passed the exams and those who haven't. she was telling me that bar exam is not just a "me" factor. there are a lot that contribute to passing it. she said, "if you don't make it, don't think you're bobo. the fact that you finished law school tells you you are not. maybe it's just not for you yet. don't be discouraged. kuha ka ulit. because once you get your atty., hindi naman na nila tatanungin kung ilang takes mo ung bar eh. you are on the same ground with them once you have that license."

"It's not a race" statement sums up everything she said.

i really liked talking to her. she opened up my foresight and different avenues of the law profession. it was like law profession 101. i really don't know what to expect once i pass the bar. i just know i want to work in manila. other than that, it's all blank.

she was telling me i look too young to be a lawyer. that i look like a freshman college student. i asked, is that a disadvantage? she laughed and said it could be. i probably let out a worried face because she immediately added "kasi you'll be associating with lawyers, and if they see you as too young, esp the male ones, baka they won't take you too seriously. thus, you have to prove yourself to them pa." i couldn't respond to what she said, i just stared at her, worry meter rising. hahahaha i did feel like a kid that instant. then i managed to say "bawi na lang ako sa porma". she laughed and agreed saying "yeah, present yourself nicely and professionally. and dapat may air of confidence ka when conversing with them. don't show them you are intimidated." wow i have never realized i have these things to consider. back then, i thought once you i get that atty. everything will just fall into place.

thinking bout it now, i realize i am still very raw. maybe i am not yet ready to be in the 'real world'. that is why God has delayed me.

My parent's 28th

Feb. 11, 1980, my folks wed at Queen of Peace Church. Reception followed at Sugarland Hotel.

L-R : My Folks. With my grandparents. with their ninongs and ninangs.

Feb. 11, 2008. We were at the same church where my folks were married. we actually hear mass there regularly. and in the middle of it, my mom leaned on me and said, they were married on the same day, a monday, that is. she was probably feeling nostalgic. i just don't know what was she thinking.

Then we went to rob to meet up with my sister, who was coming from work at Silay. We saw there my sister's friend, Shiela's parents. we chatted for awhile about our trip to the US. Shiela is in Rockfort, Illinios. Waiting to meet us at New York or we'll come visit her there.

Then we head out to Pepe's, Sorrento. It's my sister's and my favorite. Cozy (except of on weekends where it is jampacked by party people). Love the food. I order only one dish, Salpicao with mashed potatoes. the only thing i don't like about the place is their tables. parang cafeteria-ish. nevertheless, we keep on coming back there as often as we can. I didn't take pictures of the resto though. dami kasing tao. dyahe. But i nerved up for some family pix. sayang naman. important day, tapos walang pic? won't allow that to happen!

L-R : BabyBAck ribs. Salpicao.

L-R : mom and dad; karen, mao and brandon; me and mom and dad; with brandon

After the dinner, he headed home. we had dessert. mao bought a cake for them. i was telling mom to buy a candle and blow on their 28th anniv. but we forgot so she recycled some candle she found in the drawer.

L-R : Cake Calea; Cake with candle; Mom and dad with the cake

We goofed around some more by cam whoring. well, my parents did. and mom clearly enjoying it as she directs dad to pose like it was their wedding day. without a word, my dad just followed. he went along with my mom shrieking with glee. we had such a good time!

We capped off the night by gathering in front of the tv and watch lobo. +)

happily buzzed

Feb. 9, 2008. the first time of the year our groupies went out again! imagine that?! of course, tricia and i were in our bubble again! we talked half of the night away! inban and manuel again begging 5mins. of our time! it was fun! we just had a lot of updates and gossip to share with each other. despite the fact that we do text quite often. some stories aren't just fit for texting.

Attendance was almost complete. The usuals are present though.

L-R: Carmela, Paolo, Moi, Tricia, Connie, Lori, Dette, Judge, Allan, Manuel and Inban.

It's always fun hanging out with these guys! we have so much to talk about! kahit showbiz nga eh! fun! fun! fun!

We planned on going to patag this weekend. the place where we found out we have so much in common with each other. haha! i hope it pushes through! it has to be! by monday, i'll be leaving for manila already eh!

Laid Back

one of the things we have tried doing, twice now, is going to Cafe Bobs, eating and accessing their wi-fi. It's actually for Mao, my brother-in-law. We give way to him to do all the searches and make his shopping list. It just gets longer and more expensive. Most of it my sister considers impractical things to buy. It's spousal affair so i just smile at them while my sister discourages him from buying what he wants. And my brother-in-law acting as if he hasn't heard anything. Haha!

L-R: Bob's Frappucino (check out their logo, kinda looks like starbucks, u think?);
salami pizza; bob's deli entrance

L-R: Mao busy surfing; Karen on a pose; Brandon scarring the fish

after 2 hours or so:
L-R: Mao still surfing the net; Karen and Brandon for a pose;
moi getting water for everybody

My sister and I will be going on a trip. Less than two weeks to go and we're off to the US of A. Feb 22 is our flight schedule via Northwest Airlines. We'll go to Long Beach, California first then fly to New York after a week and a half then home to the PI March 23.

That's why Mao has been surfing like crazy. He's making a list of what we'll buy for him. So we'll see if he can actually come up with a final shopping list!

i finally decided to revive this blog site! i have been thinking of writing again, ever since the year has started. kaso lang i don't know what to write about! most of the time i'm stuck here at home, doing nothing. screaming boring! so why blog about my pathetic life diba?

i used to write a lot. some of the poems here were composed during my college years. i still have a notebook of my compositions. funny, i read them again last time. puro emote! elk! hahaha!

i have been thinking of taking pictures around the city too. just to show friends what bacolod looks like. it's not as probincya as they are probably thinking.. but i am just soooo tamad to do so. hehehe

i drove for mom the other to her parent's house, my mom's sister who lives in the same subdivision said ang puting puti ko daw ngayon. sabi ko, pano ba naman, i don't go out of the house na.haha!

see? i am realizing now that i need to go out! good thing my sissy's shift is in the morning, so pag hapon she's here at home. i will drag her out of the house for some chillin' time! im soooo tamad din to go malling. liit lang ng malls dito eh and shops are of course limited. not much fun. so we'll probably be at cafe bob's later.

yey! i shall blog more regularly now. that's my chinese new year's resolution! ;)