Heart's lesson

Every decision is a choice. Except who we fall in love with...

Sometimes we allow ourselves to be in a situation we know isn't right. We take our chances that , maybe, in the end, everything will turn out just fine. We hang on to that thin thread of hope that the odds are on our side. We keep on convincing ourselves that all the sacrifices will eventually pay out. We continue to embrace that "happy" feeling, That positive vibe that someday, all will fall into place.

However, Time will come that everything we hope for won't happen. The hope crashed, sacrifices led to nowhere, happy feeling replaced by doubt and the positive vibe turned into loneliness.

We then start to question ourselves why we let this all happen. Investing into something that we aren't certain of, diving with eyes closed. Nothing but hope as our battle gear.

But sometimes, fighting for something that isn't yours is like burying yourself 6 feet under. Especially when it's only you standing in the battlefield...

Acceptance is difficult because apart of us want to cling on to that thin thread of hope that maybe, just maybe, things will turn around, go back to how it was and then become right.

They say people come into our lives for a reason. We may not realize it why while they are in our lives, but one day, we will realize that Whether they are meant to stay or leave, there's a lesson to learn from it... Somewhere.

RIP JMR!

I just came back from a long weekend at home.  Nothing could be more peaceful than spending quality time with loved ones.  Though this weekend for me meant coming home to my family, my heart grieves as one father never reached home.

I was devastated receiving a text message that the airplane of Sec. Jesse Robredo crashed.  I received that message in the middle of the Eucharistic celebration.  I couldn't fathom the butterflies in my stomach and the burden I was feeling, if I would just keep that news to myself.  I had to share it with my dad so we could pray for a positive development.  In between our family time, we always found time to be updated with the result of the search.  As days passed, the glimmer of hope was slowly dying.  

Regrettably, I haven't met the man.  But I know of him because my uncle was once his chief of police in Naga a couple of years ago.  He spoke nothing but good things and kind words of him.  Apparently, he has high respect for the man. 

Many testified that he was a great public servant with unquestionable integrity and humility... A role model for anyone who wants to be a public servant and to the incumbents.  But of all the "testimonies" of his character, the one thing that made me admire him most is that he is a "present father".  Despite his busy schedule, he made it a point that he is with his family during meal time, attends PTA meetings and and is present in his children's activities.  At this point, it made me think of my own dad -- my parents.  

Below is something I scribbled for my parents' testimonial for their church organization.  This was never read during the dinner due to time constraints.  I'd like to share it now because it's timely and apt. 

"Not everyone is privilege to have a great family.  My sister and I are happily among the lucky ones. We grew up in an environment wherein family is always the priority.  Every PTA meeting, most of my games during intramurals, every honor's assembly, every graduation and during my oath-taking, I stand tall and proud beside the reasons why I am where I am now -- my parents.  They have always made themselves available for every activity, every milestone and every achievement we have.  Now that I am nearing my 30s, this fact still remains.  This has been my source of strength to keep on going, trying and believing that anything is possible because I am confident that when things get sour, I just have to look back and I will see you extending your arms eagerly waiting to comfort and reassure me.

More than the material support, I am forever grateful of the emotional and spiritual support.  You have taught us the importance of putting God at the center of our family, of us.  The good Lord is also kind enough to embrace us with His love and to keep us afloat in every situation.  Thank you for holding our hands enough to allow us to make our own decisions, face the consequences and learn from it.  

They say we are what we make of us.  But for me, I am who I am because of your guidance.  Like I always say, children are just trophies, the credit should go more to the parents! 

Cheers to fabulous years of walking with God. I love you both! mwah!"

I admire the strength and composure of Sec. Robredo's daughter.  She has great spirit in coping with the situation.  They have overflowing support and comfort from family and friends.  But when all these end, it will be the time that they will truly feel the emptiness and loneliness.  I just hope that when that time comes, they will remain as strong.

Rest in peace Sec. Robredo! May your good works be continued and that may your dedication and passion inspire a lot more people!

Refresh

I am not a ranter. But when I start to rant, it means I have had enough.

When I first embarked on this new journey, I had so much expectations.  This was because I was painted a really good picture of what to expect, that sometimes, I had to pinch myself if it was all true.  And most of the time, I find myself tapping my back for doing a good job for having been offered this once in a lifetime opportunity. But like gold, it lost its sparkle. Quite fast, mind you.


Big disappointment

I was lured to jump on this ship because I relied on a bountiful promise.  It couldn't happen more timely because where I was then, I needed some reassurance that I am destined for something greater.  So yes, vulnerable as I was at that time, I succumb to the offer.  I was feeling the adrenaline rush. The excitement of being able to do something beyond my imagination. With so much hope, I embarked on the journey.

As the days go by, I find myself not wanting to be in this journey anymore.  A portion of me wanted the past.  But I gave it a chance.  I tried to brush the sad feeling and convinced myself this is too soon for me to be thinking/feeling this way.  However, as I get to know what this journey is all about, I cringed and couldn't believe what I got myself into.  What I thought was better, turned out to be worse.

The ranting just never stops.  To a certain extent it felt all too familiar, only worse.  And I was ranting myself too with what I was seeing and hearing.  And there's so much punchlines to throw out because of the situation.  Good thing is, we are still able to find humor in it.  BUT this can only last for awhile.  I just hope I won't be able to reach the saturation point soon.

Just this week, I had a sad realization. I was able to say out loud that "I was more happy where I was before than where I am now".  Taking into consideration the entirety of this journey.  Needless to say, what seemed to be promising turned out to be a big disappointment.

Resurrection

What timing could be more apt than today to "resurrect" my blog. Today is Easter Sunday, the resurrection of Jesus.

I have been in hiatus for a little over a year. When I look back and analyze why I haven't checked in, I realized that I wasn't that busy that I didn't have the time. Maybe writing crossed my mind for a few times, but there wasn't really any compelling reason for me to scribble on something. Or maybe just have the energy to think of something to write about. So you are probably wondering what could be my compelling reason today to finally deciding to write a new post here. Quite honestly? Boredom! hahaha

As I ran through my rants, I am enlightened by a very timely and nice insight. As I have mentioned before, today is the resurrection of Jesus and I am "resurrecting" my blog as well. But the more significant point to this coincidence is its meaning. In my quick check to an online dictionary says resurrection is Jesus Christ's rising from the dead. Right. I have mentioned this already. Going back, its [resurrection's] implication is far greater than any lay person can connote it to. For me, I'd like to attribute it to another beginning and clean slate.  

Another Beginning

They say that life is like a book. When you open it, you will find different chapters. So I say resurrection is another beginning of a new chapter. As I am about to begin a new chapter of my life, I humbly thank the Lord for always filling my chapters with great stories of opportunities and taking chances.

The only thing that I planned in my life is to become a lawyer. After I got that, I surrendered my future to God's will. Maybe that's why I felt like cruising through this journey. I don't get stuck in a mud pit nor was I blown away by a tornado. I have been taking a stroll in the park, so to speak. It felt like everything is laid down for me and all I have to do is to follow.

Of course, it wasn't that easy. I have a few times resisted on "what's supposed to be" because I was afraid to jump off a cliff. But God has been patient with me. He allowed me to think things over and to conquer my fears.

Just like this new chapter I'm about to write in. It took me over a year to finally heed His call. Lucky me, He didn't get tired of hovering the opportunity over me. Instead He prepared me to be ready for His next challenge. And when I finally succumb to it, it felt right and I am at peace.  

Clean Slate

The resurrection of Jesus is the greatest symbol of starting life in a clean slate. When He rose from the dead, He gave us hope that we can start over anytime. When things aren't in God's way anymore, we can always take a pause and hit the refresh button and start clean again.

Weekend

My weekend starts a day ahead of everyone else. I only work four (4) days a week, but on a ten (10)-hour workday. It's fine. I prefer it actually. I get off from work when everybody else is probably at their homes already, watching the evening news. It's good news for me because it means, the rush hour is over. And most importantly, I have a three (3)-day weekend. The best!

Having too much days on my weekend stirs up curiosity from people I know. Well, this is how my weekends are usually spent:

If I'm not spending the weekend at my home in Bacolod or at some other city, Friday I'm having lunch at some resto I probably haven't dined in yet. Or maybe at one of my comfort restos. And at some occasion, we would catch a movie, rummage thru sale events or just plain chit-chat. Come home at around 5P.M. Sometimes, later that Friday night, I'm going out again with some other friends, this time for dinner at some other new resto and all-night chit-chat. Saturday is my day with my girlfriends. It means movie marathon, anticipated mass, good food and of course chismis! Sunday, I prefer to stay home. This is the time I don't take a bath til it's sundown. hahaha I just have to insert that in. =)

I just realized now, I have no right to complain why I have gained so much weight ever since I moved back here. I spend my weekend treating myself with good food. Maybe it's one of the signs of old age, eh? I don't crave for nightlife anymore.. Not as often, at least. Side note: I have been wanting for some nightlife action recently. I have no idea why. Ha! But yeah, I'm satisfied with weekends spent lounging around, not having to think about work, and relaxed dressing up. Simple things but they are enough to get me psyched up for the week to come.

Reform?

25 February 2011. Today is the 25th anniversary of the EDSA People Power. It's been a week long commemoration of the 'momentous' event.

Let me start off by saying that I am a cynic and a skeptic. I didn't know what happened during the Marcos regime because apparently, I wasn't born yet. And I don't recall any horrific stories about that time told to me that I distinctly remember. Maybe because we were living in the province. Far from the direct effect of the regime that everyone so despise. I don't know...

Just basing on my limited knowledge of the past, the EDSA People Power would have been a great opportunity for our country to effect reforms. We have 'struggled' for twenty (20) years or so under a dictator. A man who was so intelligent and has brought such prestige and class to the Philippines but at an expensive cost, was finally toppled down his post. They all clamoured for reform, change, and a new beginning. But what was done instead? Swore in a president that has no background whatsoever to run the country! (No disrespect meant to the late President Cory Aquino.) Apparently, it was a decision done in haste and of convenience. She had the sympathy of the public because of the assassination of late husband a few years back. In fairness to Ninoy Aquino, I think he would have been a great president. He would have effected the reforms the country needed at that time. Side note: I watched a television program that featured his life sometime last year. And I have to say, the man gained my respect. He was eloquent and is so full of conviction.

Fast forward to roughly fourteen (14) years, there was another People power. Opposite of what happened before. Just two (2) years into the presidency, people wanted former President Erap Estrada out of Malacanang. They said they've had enough and that it's time to move on to a better leader for a better Philippines. They swore in another lady to replace him -- Former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo in 2001. But this time she had so much experience in politics. Once again, the country was hopeful. She was intelligent and has an impressive CV. But maybe the power swallowed her that she wasn't ready to step down. She allegedly used her influence and power to make sure she won the 2004 presidency. Lucky for her, she survived all attempts of bringing her down.

After nine (9) years or so under GMA's leadership, the public once again clamoured for reform, change and new beginning. They all were saying 'at last'. They just couldn't wait til GMA steps down. 2010 elections happened. President Nonynoy Aquino won and was sworn into office. Another president of convenience. He has the sympathy of the public because his mom died a few months before he announced he was running for presidency (which caused Mar Roxas to slide down to vice president). And not to mention the very popular sister of his. But barely a year into the presidency, there has been murmurs of his incompetence.

This has really saddened me. We have had several opportunities for reforms but we have failed to utilize it. Our scream for reforms is just that. A scream. We haven't thought farther than wanting for it. No concrete plans. We allowed ourselves to settle for what's there and what's convenient. And that's what we are now getting exactly. =(

Makes me wonder, what do we really mean if we speak of reform?

The Trade Off

A week ago, my officemate posted this on her status at Facebook:

eating alone is kinda sad... watching tv alone is kinda lonely, and a lot weird too especially if you're watching tv/movies crying and laughing alone... living alone is a feat... but oh well, the price of independence is really expensive, but definitely ALL worth everything... good night y'all!

I have to say, I totally agree. I feel this (sad and lonely) most coming home to an empty house after a long day. Bottles of beer and deep conversation would be perfect to cap off the day. If only you have someone to do it with. Like most of us who live alone, at the end of the day, all we have are either the phone, internet/computer, or the remote control! Maybe all of the above, used at the same time! Pathetic but that's our sad reality.

But I absolutely agree too with her second statement. The price of independence is expensive but all worth it. Yes. There's no feeling in the world (so far in my shallow life) better than having control with your time. Seems petty but to me it's everything. Having to lounge all day not doing anything productive. Literally. Not taking a bath til sundown. Watch TV all day, without anyone disturbing you. Come and go as you please without having someone to worry where you've gone to.

My love for time has caused a little bump on the first months or maybe years between my mom and I. I didn't think I needed to do anymore what I was used to doing when I was still living in my parents' house. I recall my mom, sounding so frustrated, trying to contact me at wee hours in the night. Because I am not attached too with my cellphone, so I rarely check on it when I'm out and about. When I finally remember to check on it, I would have several missed calls and text messages which read " Where are you?". I am a kid like that. It still happens once in awhile til now. But they're more tolerant, understanding even.

Independence is indeed a feat. I'm just lucky tho that I didn't have to start from scratch. My parents provided me with all the comfort I'm used to. Then I took off from there. I'm having a great time. But as much as I enjoy this freedom, I find myself flying home every month! Irony. My attachment with my family is just strong. That's something I will never trade off with anything.

Traditions, no more?

On Christmas day, I tweeted "Christmas feels different as you get older". True. It doesn't only feel different, it transforms.

Growing up, Christmas parties are the signs that the countdown should start. It also means I am ready to accept my gifts and beso in gratitude. And most importantly, no more class for the next 3 weeks! I would also used to look forward to our yearly Nemenzo reunions because all uncles are compelled to give gifts. Lucky for me, I have 6! Lolo used to act as the Santa Clause. He picks out a gift then announce who is it for and who is it from. After his stroke tho, one of my uncles took over. It was everyday reunion for us. There would be talent portions too and cash is being handed out to the brave ones. So much fun and super festive!

That's how I remember Christmas growing up. It was definitely something to look forward to.

Christmas for the past years hasn't been the same at all. Since the olds died. My uncles from Manila don't go home anymore. We don't have reunions anymore. No more gift-giving. It's become just another day. It's really sad that we haven't continued the great tradition, for the new generation, at least.

Maybe it's time to create our own tradition. Christmas day, Tito Marvin called up my mom, saying they wanted to drop by the house. But we were having lunch with my mom's family, so she invited them to dinner instead. We were complete. As far as Tito's and ours are concerned. We had a festive dinner, drank wine, the kids played and laughed all night. It was almost like the old times. Incomplete but better than none.



Hope you all had a great Christmas!

Great Year

This year has been such a great one for me! I got what I wished for and more!

After passing the bar exams, I didn't exactly know what I wanted. So I hung around my first job. After a few months tho, something in me is screaming that this is not where I should be or what I should be doing. So I went on ahead to applying for the typical lawyers job. Law firm. I honestly thought I have an edge because of my U.S. immigration background. So I went on to finding a firm that has U.S. immigration as one of its practice areas. There are quite a few, much to my delightful surprise. So anyway, I went to one interview. My mouth just dropped on the floor. Taken aback was an understatement. Of course, during the interview, I was selling myself to be employable. But as the pleasantries were shoved aside, I was realizing that I didn't want to be hired anymore. Work hazards of being a girl in a man's world, I guess. From then on, I didn't want to be in a firm unless I knew the Senior partners. That's my only condition. Then I decided I will only work in 2 organizations. (1) government and (2) hard core corporate, whichever comes first.

After a month more of hanging around my previous job, I woke up one day and decided to resign, pack my things and come back home. Supposedly for good. Bummed around. Did a couple of court appearances. But quite frankly, it was difficult because the cash was nowhere to be found. Not to mention I was overly becoming bored. Province life just doesn't appeal to me anymore. My 'for good' timeline was shortened to 1 year, then to 6 months. But only 4 months, I found myself hired by, what i wanted, a government agency in Manila!

2 weeks. That was all it took. Applying. Initial Interview. Panel Interview. Then I'm on to my new life, new job and another beginning. Of course I was super thrilled! I didn't know what to expect. But I was absolutely ready for anything!

This year was so grand for me! Got to travel to KL, Malaysia at my own expense with my friends. I also went to Davao and Cebu this year. Made several flights to Bacolod too! Hmmm, that's where most of my money went this year. Oh and of course, a few nice suits from Zara and Mango, my LongChamp and Kate Spade bags and last but not the least, my priced possession, Nikon D90.

















I was busy spending time with the family too here in Manila. Which reminds me to be thankful of my work schedule. More flexible and 3-day weekend! Wohoo for that! And of course weekends with my girls. And a shout out to my old and new boss too!


















Looking over my photos made me realize one important thing. This year, I 'threw away' my money by purchasing plane tickets and making memories... I think that's what life is supposedly be about. We should live each day like it were our last, right. I guess it's safe to say that this year, I lived it like it were my last!

I am very grateful for all the opportunities, experiences and memories that I have for this year. Thank you Lord! I am looking forward to what next year has instore for me.

Merry Christmas and Have a great New Year to all!!!

Super Mario and Me

I think Nintendo Family computer is heaven sent. I grew up spending a big chunk of my afternoons in front of the TV playing computer games. My favourite (and still is) is Super Mario, the classic one. No matter how many times I play that game, I still am psyched of saving the Princess. After awhile though, I mastered the game then I would time myself how long will it take me to finish til 8-4. I would play alongside my cousin and we’d have a contest, who finishes first. Then came the Gameboy. The first tape I bought, Super Mario of course. And I still have it at home! When Brandon was old enough to get his own Gameboy, I just had to brag that I had that toy first. I searched for mine and smiled when I found it with my tape still stuck in it. As expected, my Gameboy isn’t working anymore but the tape does work on those new colored ones. Although it displays as B&W still.

I feel like living the Super Mario game and Mario as me. Mario had a goal, to save the princess. There’s no exact strategy how to do that. It changes each time you play. Along the way he picks up coins, 1ups and flowers so that he’ll become better equipped for what’s ahead. He encounters different sorts of ‘enemies’. Some easy to deal with, others difficult to get rid of. But it doesn’t matter coz he can always come back to life and try again. He just needs to keep on trying. Of course, the journey is made easier because of the ‘helps’ he has acquired.

That’s how I see life, at least mine. I just have a goal. As to how I reach it, I leave it to daily experiences to help me. In my journey, I meet people, visit places and learn new things. I have even found myself in a crappy situation. But like Mario, I just try again and things work out fine. Never burn bridges, they say, coz you’ll never know you might need this ‘help’ someday.

So while this heart is beating, ‘game over’ is something you won’t hear me say.

Moved back... for good!

It's sooner than I thought. At first I was looking at a year then shortened it to 6 months. but 2 months short of my new timeline, I'm back in Manila! Wohoo!

I spent the last 2 weeks of 2009 and 1st week of 2010 dealing with my grandmother's death. Grieving of course, but more on the day-to-day things in the funeral parlor and eventually the funeral. I haven't been running like a headless chicken like that. Everyday. I was always drained and so full of it. After the funeral, I found myself not wanting to go out, not having the energy to report to the firm, and just not wanting to do anything. I would deal with the aftermath of the funeral still. Collation of the receipts, thank you cards, and listing down the expenses.

Then one day, I was talking to Sher and as usual I was ranting bout how bored I was there. blah blah blah. And she commented, what the hell was I thinking packing up my things here and moving back there? I couldn't give an answer. As I have said, it was really a spontaneous decision. After that conversation, I hit the net searching on jobstreet.com, jobsdb.com and government websites. hahaha I was targeting government agencies. I didn't want to work in a law firm in Manila. I received a few rejections but one interesting government agency invited me for an interview. The next week, I was set to fly out to Manila. Then one week later, I got the job! Barely 2 weeks to wrap things up in Bacolod then I'm set to move back in Manila!

More than 2 months have passed, I'm enjoying it here. Sure I miss home, but not really Bacolod. hehehe I promised my dad that this is the last time I'm shipping my car anywhere else. So yes, I moved back here for good. =)

Officially Missing Manila

Manila is the first city I fell in love with instantly. It began when we started going there because my dad got assigned to work there. Every summer, semestral break and even during intramurals, my mom, my sister and I would always grab that chance to visit Dad. That's when the love affair started. A visit to Megamall and Gift Gate everyday, I'm the happiest kid alive! Then I lived there for 4 good years in college. Never mind the flooding every rainy season (I'm from UST) and the hassle of commuting. I always feel a certain high whenever I'm there. Then after law school, Dad bought me a house and shipped my car there. Much to my delight! Living there made easier 100x! I love my Daddy soooo much for that. Reviewed for the bar, worked there. That's more than 2 years in total. Now I'm back in Bacolod for almost 4 months. I'm sad. I am officially missing Manila! Waaah!

Last night, we were at my uncle's house to celebrate his birthday. While we were lining up to get the food, the topic of Manila came up. My aunt asked if I miss my life there. I'm like YEAH! Then my cousin chimed in, she felt sad when she entered the house (she stayed at my house when she visited 2 weeks ago) because it was pretty obvious that no one lives there anymore. Cobwebs on corners! My heart just sank... I wanted to fly out immediately! If only I can. I went on to saying that I saw a pic of her hubby taken in my room. All the more I realized I miss it sorely. I miss Manila and everything else that comes with it.

I am having this bad habit of comparing everything here with Manila. I know I'm not supposed to be doing that because apparently it's 2 different cities. But somehow, unconsciously, I am guilty of it. I guess I am one of those few who'd rather live in Manila than in Bacolod. A handful of people I know who came here for a visit all fell in love with the place, the lifestyle and with the people. Maybe like me when I first set foot on Manila soil. They would enumerate all the bad stuffs they can say about Manila. I would always pleasantly say, me? I prefer Manila. I have friends there, more things to do, a lot of places to go to and more importantly, freedom. Not just from parents but even from people around you. Inhibitions fly out the window coz of the anonymosity. I guess to each his own.

My coming back in Bacolod was so spontaneous that I didn't spend ample time to think over my decision. But no regrets. I'm learning and I love what I'm doing. I just can't help it sometimes when I would wish I was in Manila instead. Maybe because a big part of me is still very hopeful that one day or sooner I will be back there again. A very good job offer perhaps? Or who knows, I just might wake up one day and pack up my things. Til then, I'm leaving my house vacant.

Diving into Politics

I had a surprise visit from a lawyer friend yesterday afternoon. He came with a decision we have been discussing about for several weeks now. I can't say it's a great news. But definitely, it's a challenge for him... He is diving into politics!

I am not well-versed with our local politics. I found out who our vice mayor is just last week! And his name or face doesn't even ring a bell. hahaha That's how clueless I am! I started to become curious when this friend of mine told me that he was being invited to fill in a slot in this particular line up. My initial reaction then was, 'politics? seriously?' I gave out a laugh. I couldn't imagine him campaigning, being on stage in a gathering and selling himself, speaking in Ilonggo, no less! hahaha It's too funny! But I have always asked him over and over again if he wants it too. We have had some deep conversations about it. I guess he found it fitting that I was the first person he would visit after giving his confirmation to the party.

Our set up is the same. When he passed the bar, he also joined in his uncle's law firm. He has him for guidance. But as eager lawyers as we are, we constantly try to find ways how we can break away from our uncles' shadow. There was this one time I was offered a Clerk of Court job somewhere far from Bacolod. I was dead set on taking the job. I would rationalize my decision to him. He got my point and he was all supportive with it. Until I talked to my uncle and he explained the risk of travelling that far everyday. His point was, it's not worth it. So I had calm down my excitement and decided to take his advice. Then one day, he told me that there's an opening at a Branch here in Bacolod and he was going to apply. I asked him, why? He said because I sold it really well to him! hahaha And there's this another court too that is in need of a Clerk of Court. We were thinking that it would be really cool if we both get the job. Unfortunately, I submitted a little too late for they have endorsed an applicant already. But as with him, he was all on go. During those times, he was confused. He had to pick just one. Either he becomes a COC or be a candidate (winning is almost good as sure). We rationalized it together, until we decided to leave it to fate. Fate chose COC. So he went on to preparing everything he needs but somehow, there is this thin thread that ties him to the idea of entering politics. Just the day before his flight to Manila to personally follow up his application with the Supreme Court, he decided to run this coming election.

It's a yes for him. Without much thoughts on it, he is taking the challenge. I was telling him yesterday that he better be prepared to say goodbye to late nights and being publicly seen having too much alcohol fun. Well, at least until he gets elected. hahaha He'd be wearing a halo from now on.

This will be a busy election year. 2 lawyer friends running. Both dream of one thing... change.

-oOo-

An update: My friend decided to revert back to what fate chose for him. He withdrew his confirmation to run this coming election. Clerk of Court it is.

Alcohol and Law

Felt like it was a long day today. The moment I stepped out of the Hall of Justice going to my car, I thought, a nice below zero beer would be perfect to end the day. But it was only 5pm and I'm on antibiotics. Meaning, it's too early (as if we haven't drank this early) and more importantly, I can't drink. It would have been nice to cap off the day with friends and beer and discuss what just happened. I am a newbie and insights from not-so-newbie are very much well-taken and are very helpful as well.

Seems like it was just not me who had a long day. A few minutes after I was home, a lawyer friend texted:
M: U heading home?
A: Just arrived. Was at HOJ earlier. U going out to drink?
M: A cold beer would be nice. I was hoping we can meet up for 1 or 2 bots.
A: Yup, would have loved it too. I can't drink tho. I'm on antibiotics. Still coughing like hell! Long day?
M: Yeah, long day. I wanted to unwind but beer tastes bitter when you're drinking alone. Ur not yet well?
A: Not yet. So sick of it already. I have a story to share. Next time then.
M: Is that a SNN story material? Too bad.
A: Chismoso! It's a serious story. About a case.
M: Oh, it's a professional story. Would have been perfect to discuss it over beer. You're handling this case, I suppose?
A: Co-handling, I guess. Appeared at the hearing this afternoon. I have a comment I want to share. I guess, it's still chismis.
M: Too bad. Look me up when you're fine. Rest well.

So there. 2 lawyers who both had a long day had the same thing in mind. Beer. I'm pretty sure there's no connection between law and beer. Somehow, these 2 are always a perfect match. It started out in law school where you learn to drink after a long day in class. A terrifying recitation or maybe a brain-breaking exam or perhaps just another day of legal jargon. Bottomline is, we are thinking of the same way how to unwind. Sit down somewhere cozy, with a cold beer and great conversation. This is something that hasn't changed. Sure, it may have been lessened because of deadlines to meet the following day but fact remains, we make time to unwind and along with it is our dose of alcohol.

In the U.S., when you are sent the forms when you will renew your license, there is a flyer inserted about alcoholism. I asked my boss then, why is that so. He said that the most common problem/disease of lawyers is alcoholism. This is due to drinking every after workday and it eventually progresses to becoming an addiction. Ergo, work ethics and delivery are affected.

It's just not us who think the same. I guess it's safe to say that most lawyers, after a long day, want a cold beer/alcohol. To ease stress, enjoy the conversation that comes with it and for a moment forget about the deadlines. The irony of it tho is that during these drinking sessions, guess what we talk about? Law of course! hahaha Maybe law sounds simpler with a little push of our buddy SanMig. Maybe.

Lawyering

Like I have said, I have been on house arrest for more than a week now. I have been itching to report to the office and to get my hands on on a couple of cases I should be getting started on. Instead, I chose to take a break because I wouldn't want to gross people out with my constant coughing. But today, Tito called me up and asked if I was free this afternoon. Without hesitation, I said I was. My heart was jumping up and down because I'll be in court. Wohoo! So he went on to brief me what the case was about and what I have to do. It's pretty simple really. And I have heard of this case already. Thanks to our legal secretary whose keeping me updated.

It is a criminal case and we represent the accused. As a lawyer, it is always advisable that you separate your personal self in handling cases. Especially in a sensitive criminal case like this one. I will be meeting and briefing the clients before we go to court. I made sure tho that I arrive in the office earlier than them so I will be able to read the file before I actually meet them. While going thru it, I find myself shaking my head a few times. It is such a sad sad case. But like I said, I have to separate my personal opinions if I want to effectively represent this client. So I met with them and then off to court we went.

You know the phrase, 'innocent til proven otherwise'? Somehow, on cases like this, the accused is looked down on with disgust and worse, convicted as guilty even before the ball starts rolling. It is such a bad bad behavior when there is blatant biasness. Making it known that you don't believe in every word that comes from his mouth. But as a lawyer, you can only do so much. You have to play it by ear, based on the behavior of the person in charged. Even when you feel that you have the right to get all mad, sometimes you just have to swallow down the things you have to say. Because more often, it will cause your case more harm than good.

Lawyering is not just about the intelligence. I'd like to believe it is more on wits and strategy. You can't keep a car running by its instruction book alone. Sometimes you need to feel and connect with it in order to know how best to remedy what's broken. Or try out other ways if the damage still continues to exist. Just like lawyering. It's a constant trial and error. There is not one book that will teach you how to become a great lawyer. You become better as the years go by and your practice becomes more intense. One strategy is just not enough. Each case is different so it must be treated differently too. If you can juggle cases easily, that's when you know you're a good lawyer.

Bogged Down

I have been practically on house arrest for over a week already. Been barking like a freakin' dog since Wednesday. I had too much fun 2 weekends ago. I guess now I'm paying for it.

My throat started to itch 3 weeks ago. I was feeling like I was coming down with colds. I was actually anticipating it. Somehow, it never came. I went on to deciding I'm spending the weekend at Patag. It's a mountain area up in Silay. A friend owns a resthouse. It's been 3 years since we last went up there. So everybody was excited about it. Despite the hesitation that I was feeling then, I still went. The day before, there were 9 of us going. The night before, only 7. And that morning, only 6 of us pushed through. We kindda stretched the morning as we were having coffee at Courtyard. Probably hoping someone will show up and join in afterall. but no one came. hahaha Finally, we were on our way. About an hour of driving the bumpy, mountain-y road, I was exhausted! We keep on laughingly asking, 'are we there yet?' We can't remember this ride to be this long. Finally we arrived around 1pm, in time for a late lunch. Then started drinking! Literally after lunch. tsk tsk We sat on the pavillon, listened to the music, chit-chatted and gulp gulp til it was dinner time. We transferred table to eat then back again to the pavillon then more gulp gulp. I was starting to feel cold. Because the breeze was too cool and strong. We were at the pavillon so it's really very open. Until the ghost stories came. It went on for more than an hour until finally one said, we transfer to a much warmer place, to my delight! By 12 mn, I was not feeling well already. So I said, this is it, I am going to be sick. And so I am now.

I find it rather strange that this is taking too long to heal. I was taking my vits everyday prior to my becoming ill and during my illness. Dosed up on my Vit C. But the cough just keeps on getting worse. I would recall the nights I used to work all day then drink all night then wake up early for work again. It feels like nothing happened. I feel great, ready for another round of drinking session later that night. I didn't get sick nor did it affect my productivity at work. But now that I'm here, where I'm being taken care of, not as much stressed and my time is in my control, I find myself weaker and less resilient. Maybe my body is used to being active all day and night. All of a sudden, when I got back here, I have more time to chill. My day starts late and ends early. Normally hesitant to head home.

So what's wrong? My body bogged down and prepared itself for a new routine. Since I was sick, I wasn't reporting to the office. I would stay home. I basically do nothing all day. Oh, play Cafe world on Facebook. hahaha I would do some reading. Send out a few emails. Other than that, nothing. So I guess my body is adjusting itself to a more relaxed lifestyle. Calm my mind from thinking too much. Tie down my feet so it would stop itching to going somewhere. Chill. But the question is, do I like to chill? Sure. But not on a daily basis!

Another Route

Tonight, there was a small family get together. The occasion: my cousin, Vanessa's, capping. How time flies. Soon she'll be graduating and become a nurse. That makes me... well, old. hahaha Anyway, like I've said, it is an intimate family dinner with a few other relatives as guests. To start with, the 2 old maids, my grandmother's half-cousins. But the family is really close with them. They say nothing but kind words about Lola. And the other guests are Tita Pe (my grandmother's sis-in-law) and her daughter Tita Girly, who is by the way, the present Ambassador of Israel.

I guess like in any other gatherings, visitors find their own places, where to sit and who to sit with. It is our family custom that the elder people sit on the 'presidential table' so to speak. Everybody else scramble to look for their own places. Myself, together with my cousins, managed to find our own place at the informal dining table. Of course it was a rowdy & noisy group since we were with the young ones, feeling young ourselves. However, as the fun is on its peak, my uncle showed up and summoned me to join them at the presidential table. I was embarassed given the special treatment (this started happening after I passed the bar). I had no choice but to comply. So I settled myself in between him and my dad. It was a table with grown up conversations. After all, they were all elderly people. hahaha Sure they gossipped but still related to the current events and a little of history.

They see me as someone so young and my future ahead of me. They wanted to take my hand and introduce me to a path I wouldn't have considered because of my ignorance... Or so they thought. Ironically tho, I've been giving that path a thought. Tonight was my chance to get a tip from an insider. A little push and a bit of assurance, I was hooked.

So yeah, I'm back to that route again. Actually, I haven't completely abandoned it. I have just put it aside. Now, I am exploring it back once more. But one thing's for sure. I wouldn't want to bring a gun that's not loaded. When I do make the move to walk on that route, I will make sure that I am very much equipped.

In My Life

Jolog na kung jologs. I won't be ashamed to admit that I was looking forward to watching this movie. It's not because of the actors nor the story. It's because of the location... New York. The second city I fell in love with instantly.

I have to say, I am a bit skeptical about the movie. I thought the focus is on the gay relationship. But it is not entirely that. You know what they say, "Don't judge the book by its cover."

The story actually depicted typical Filipinos abroad. There is a struggling TNT, a successful Filipino, a young couple without a child, and of course a Filipino who at first isn't crazy about the U.S. but eventually loved it.

1. Most plight of the TNTs would probably be finding a job that would enable them to earn enough money to sustain their daily needs with extra cash to send to the family left back home. Another would be finding ways to legalize their stay. One of the popular ways they resort to is 'marriage for convenience'. You have to bear in mind though that you should marry a U.S. citizen (not just a Greeencard holder) for you to actually change your status. So these TNTs have to come up with the money they have to pay their 'spouses' in exchange for papers. It's a risky situation. But reality dictates that desparate needs call for desparate measures.

2. A successful Filipino. In the U.S., the more successful you are, the less time you have for yourself or your family. In the movie, his character couldn't find the time to accompany his mom. He would always be either too busy or got caught up with something. I guess it is safe to say that work ethics is a serious matter, delivering results is very important and you must be accountable to your actions.

3. The young married couple having no children. It's common knowledge that in abroad, having a nanny for your child is very expensive. That having a child is an important issue the couple must decide on. A lot of factors has to be weighed in in the decision-making process.

4. A first-timer tourist who loved the U.S. more than expected. I have to admit, I am one of those persons who say 'I just want to see the U.S., that's it'. But setting foot on New York made my heart flip flop and actually made me want to live there! Anyway, adjusting with the way of life and the lifestyle is the first hurdle you have to pass. It's a totally different environment and if you're not open to change and to learning new things, you may have a difficulty blending in.

The story really never focused on the sexuality of the characters. It is just a spice in the story. Of course it is an issue that had to be addressed. But only at the beginning. Once that issue was resolved, the story focused on the characters and their relationship with one another. It's a welcomed breather as it is not your ordinary love story about a girl and a boy who fell in love, broke up and eventually realized that they're really meant for each other.. A happy ending. This movie depicts different levels of love from different persons. The extent of how we can adapt to change and actually embrace it. How candidly one instance can make you appreciate what you have. Most importantly, how greatly a single circumstance can affect you for the rest of your life.

I love the first part of the movie. The boys touring Vilma around the city. The scenes made me sigh as I was brought back to one of my happiest moments! hahaha Seeing NYC again makes me want to book a flight and vanish from here.. pronto! hehehe

I'm secretly praying that next year plan with my friends will push through. I have exactly a year to save up for the trip. I just hope I'd be able to or who knows, maybe parents will bring me along with them. We'll see.

Dignified Silence

I have never been the warrior type. Someone who would right then and there attack another person. I'd like to believe I am very rational and composed that fighting back, either physically or verbally, is a waste of time. I'd rather turn my back at you then block you off completely without saying a word. Dignified silence, that's my style.

I guess it comes with my upbringing. I am the youngest and was taught to always sunmit to authority -- elder people. So I grew up not knowing how to fight back because it is instilled in me that it is not nice. That I shouldn't engage myself in anyway in that kind of situation because it is so improper. I have never in my entire life talked back to my parents, EVER! Talk back meaning shout at them or simply show them disrespect. I am not the type and will never do that. It's too scandalous even just to imagine me doing it. It is just not right. Sure on the FEW occasions that I am being disciplined, I would reason out but always in a very humble voice and demeanor. Of course I know I won't win, but what's important is that I was able to make my point. My goal really is just to knock off some senses that I am not entirely at fault. Whatever the outcome might be, is not a big deal anymore.

So what do I do when I'm angry? I turn to music. I have always believed that music is better than talking to a shrink or to anyone in the height of emotion. It calms you down or it may voice out your frustrations. Take your pick. Me, few years back, I would lock myself in my room and play hardcore trance. I'll turn up the volume (but not too loud because I might be reprimanded again!). Just enough to silence everything else around me. The following day, I'm apathetic. I'm very proud too that I'd die if I make the first move to make amends. Maybe unless it's my fault so that's an exception. But if I think I did nothing wrong, don't expect I'll act up fine like nothing happened.

Over the years though, I realized, getting angry gets you nowhere. It doesn't solve anything. Certainly it doesn't make the you feel better. So I have developed a new way of dealing with unnecessary stress. Walking away and completely blocking off whoever, whatever. Of course, walking away is my constant logical reaction. It won't add fuel to the fire. On the contrary, the angry feelings would just die naturally. But blocking off people, hmmmm.. maybe just for awhile. However, it is inevitable that our paths will cross again one day, someday. So we'll cross the bridge when we get there. But for now, I'll silently exist and keep off under your radar.

Dahil May Isang Ikaw

The last time I watched a Filipino soap religiously was in college, "Pangako Sa'yo". I remember I would flock with my dormmates in our TV room to watch it. The love story of Angelo and Inah. Loved the actors and the characters they portrayed. Not crazy about the story though. Typical Filipino story, but it was good enough to make me watch it til its ending.

The succeeding soaps I watch, I can't really remember well. Maybe because I was only accidentally watching it. Because my mom would watch it when she was accompanying me while I was having a late dinner, from school then. I would guess the next scenarios and sometimes even the lines. Then my mom would be pissed coz according to her, I was destroying the suspense. haha I love doing that all the time.

Just last Monday, a new soap was launched by ABS-CBN, Dahil May Isang Ikaw. They will be portraying lawyer characters. Something I am looking forward to watching. A first in Philippine teleserye. I'd like to see how they will 'dramatize' the court scenes. There's no doubt it is a 'glamourized' version. Most likely, far from the real thing. Nonetheless, as long as there is a judge, lawyers, witnesses and clients, surely I will be watching intently.

This is quite a timely soap, at least as far as I am concerned. I am currently being introduced with the law world. I am slowly diving into the real life of a lawyer. I have been on court hearing field trips last week. Trying to pick up a thing or two. I have to say, I am getting more interested and excited eachtime. Makes me wonder why I was shying away from this before. As Gig put it, he likes the adrenaline rush everytime he is in court. I'd like to have a piece of that too.