Right of Change

There are 3 things that are constant in this world: death, taxes and change. As for death, it is a constant period. It is a popular example in law school as a day certain, “that which must necessarily come, although it may not be known when.” It sounds creepy but death is a perfect example. As for taxes, it is a constant condition. For as long as you are earning, you must report and pay taxes. And as for change, it is constant right. For as long as you haven’t entered into an agreement which merits some penalty for effecting change, you can very well exercise that right. Although it has not stop others from doing so anyway.

Last weekend, I found myself curled up on a chair not wanting to put down the book I was reading. It is a light-read by Sophie Kinsela, The Undomestic Goddess. It’s been a long time since I last spent a day reading for pleasure. The story is about a lawyer who is about to make partner in a top law firm. This has always been her plan. After 7 years of working for it, she will finally reap her hard work. However, she found herself in an uncompromising situation that will jeopardize her being a partner. Feeling lost, she went away to destination nowhere. Her sudden escape led her to the countryside of London. And what’s more surprising, she got herself a new job by mistake, as a housekeeper! Definitely far from her plans. But she played along with it thinking this is a perfect plot to distract her from facing her dark past. Everything is completely alien to her. She had to learn everything from scratch. Just as when she was actually enjoying and getting the hang of things, she found herself webbed back to her past. As a lawyer, it is innate to be curious and wanting for answer. In her case, she wanted vindication. When she got that, she was offered by the firm her old position. Of course, the rational decision was to take it. But before she takes that first step back into the law firm, she realized she didn’t want it anymore. She has changed her mind.

Probably most often, we find ourselves in the same situation as the character in the book. Just because we want something since time immemorial, it doesn’t mean we can’t want something else, right? In fact, being in the same situation for so long can result to a boring routine. But as with the character, she didn’t realize it until she got the chance to experience something completely different from what she’s used to.

Change comes in different forms, happens in different occasions and reaps different results. Most of the time, it is self-imposed. A decision made in consideration of something better or sometimes in a leap of faith. Other times, it is forced on to us. We have no choice but embrace the change.

I think change is good. It may seem scary at first tho. It’s like throwing yourself into the unknown. But that’s the exciting part of it. To be able to learn something new, discover yourself better and widen your reach. As long as you are determined to make that 360 degrees turn, I’ll exercise my right to change in a heartbeat.

Father's Day

Two days ago was father’s day. It tears up my heart not being able to spend it with the most important man in my life. Aside from his birthday, this is the only day that centers the attention to him. And it’s just not any other day to remind him how much we appreciate and love him, but this day honors his fatherhood. Something that a lot of fathers probably take for granted. But not my dad, no sire!

My dad is a disciplinarian. Sure we had our share of spanking and other punishments growing up. For the most part, he will just stare at you and you’ll know you’re doing something wrong and you better behave fast. Hahaha Yes, we were disciplined like that. Subtle but piercing.

My dad has always been the man in authority. He is the eldest of seven brothers. He played God when my grandfather wasn’t around. He was (and still is) used to giving orders and normally expects being obeyed. Just like my grandfather. He grew up in a home where respect is more than just a word. It is a household principle that they should live by. That’s why kissing (or beso) is greatly practiced in our family. Imagine my dad’s brothers kissing their elder brothers. The youngest would be the most kawawa of all. The number of people you have to rub cheeks with! It was only probably when the olds die that the younger brothers stopped the beso. But addressing the elder brothers as ‘Manong’ is still very much in practice still. So there’s no surprise he brought that kind of attitude in raising me and my sister. Good thing my mom was there to somehow ease the punishments for us. We didn’t really have a lot of mistakes back in the day, mind you. I guess he believes that prevention is better than cure. We know what dad wouldn’t like so we refrain from doing them. Makes perfect sense.

I am proud to say that I am one of the few lucky ones sharing a beautiful relationship with their dads. To sum it all up, I am a self-professed daddy’s girl. It is both a blessing and a curse though. I will be forever a kid to my dad’s eyes. And every man who attempts to come close, he will surely criticize.

I guess my dad was feeling lacking too that day. Later that night, he called me up for a little chat. I asked him how he spent the Father’s Day. But somehow I feel all he wanted to say was, “I wish you were here.” So do I dad. At least, I get to be the first (greeted him the Saturday night) and the last to wish him Happy Father’s Day, with much love.

Price Tag

There are times where you are handed a gift, beautifully wrapped, by a person whom you expect nothing less from. You take that gift grinning really wide. You run down on your head what could it be. However, when you opened the gift, you find yourself surprised of what you have uncovered. A cheap-looking say, wall clock. Definitely something you’d never think of receiving. Well, at least not from that person. But there it is, right in front of you. Tick tock. And he’s there too. Waiting for your reaction. So you fake a smile. Of course you don’t want to be impolite. You express your gratitude in the best way you possibly can, given the circumstances. He’s pleased, thinking that you are too. You gracefully exited yourself went inside a safe room then breakdown in disgust. How could he possibly think you’d appreciate a gift like that?! Certainly you are worth more than that. He knows that, hell, he should know. But he chose instead to make you feel less than how much you are really worth.

Knowing your worth is one thing. People recognizing your worth is another. There’s no straight-line equation on how you can measure up your capabilities. It is very relative. You may be thinking you’ve accomplished enough to make you rise to a higher level but someone else thinks you’re still too raw and that you are still a few notches behind.

It takes a leap of faith to invest on someone. No one has to prove anything to anyone. Well, at least not outright. A chance must be first given. Let’s say you are given that opportunity. No matter how hard you try, you always fall short of his expectation. Or at least that’s what he makes you feel. Although you know that’s not completely true. You convince yourself that he’s doing that to push you harder – for you to maximize your potential. That it is for your own good. You allow it to happen for so long, hoping that one day he’d recognize your true worth and give you something to commensurate it. Except that you don’t see anything like that happening sometime soon. So you find yourself asking, “now what?” Surely if there’s another opportunity better than what you have now, you’ll jump right to it without hesitations.

Human nature dictates you to be in constant quest for contentment. It is said that you will only find that if everything finally falls into place. At least according to your own definition. In this karmic world we live in, it will never be a one-sided battle. Every element must be weaved together. As each person is worth something, there is always someone, hopefully, who is willing to pay for your price tag.

Sometimes all we need is reassurance. Something that would tell us that we are doing a good job. And what better way to show it is by making that someone feel her worth.

Reverse

I have long been a fan of Greys Anatomy. For starters, I watch it because it’s a doctor’s drama. They play the role I know I will never become. So I’ll content myself by watching it on TV. But as I watch episode after episode, I can’t help but fall in love with the show. The sucker that I am for series, I just have to add this up to my list. So as the weeks progressed, the plot thickens, although it’s pretty predictable they will fool around among themselves. It’s television, what can you expect, right? And one thing more I love with the show is the narration at the beginning and end of the show. I just realized, another show I watch, One Tree Hill, also has the same narration format. The things they narrate sometimes sound like it came from a forwarded text message. But at times, it makes me ponder too, in fairness. Of course, there is McDreamy whose smile is just annoyingly pleasant to watch. And not to mention McSteamy joining the riot of Seattle’s Grace Hospital. These two gentlemen sizzles the hospital, no doubt. And these Mc codes they so often use in the show prompted me and Tricia to cook up our own. Well, we have Happy Meal and McT. Their identity I will not reveal. They are both practically non-existent to us now, so never mind that I even mentioned them. Last but not the least, there is Meredith Grey. The fickle-minded, anti-commitment woman that she is, I’m sure a lot of career women (ehem ehem) can totally identify with.

Anyhoo, I was watching last night’s episode, it was such a disturbing development of their story. The doctor becoming the patient. Probably depending on how you see it, the effect is different. For me, it is such a scary situation. Knowing exactly how they will cut and go inside your body is just too gruesome for me. To start with, anything that involves knives, bodies and blood make me nauseous. So no surprise there. I wonder how it would make me feel... Years down the road of law practice and suddenly the lawyer becomes the client? Gosh. It is too much to digest, even just thinking of it. The showman is now just a spectator. It is such an awkward, awful situation to be in. But looking at it on the other perspective, you will be able to make an intelligent decision on the next steps to take. It is the only upside that I could think of. Just on top of my head now. Weirdly though, I can’t rationalize deeper than my shallow analysis or should I say observation. Hahaha Or bluntly put, make this blog entry longer. I just want to get that thought out there. So there.

My little angel

May 22, 2009. My little devil’s counter part finally said hello to the world. My little angel, Rianna Maureen.

I was on my way home last night when I received a text message from my brother-in-law, “Maureen came out already”. I couldn’t have been more ecstatic! Finally the little angel decided to show herself though with a little help from science. My sister had to be induced. I replied, “OMG! Promise?! Congrats! Post pictures, I’ll see her in 3 weeks still!” All I could think about that moment was how much I wanted to take the 1st flight out tom. If only I didn’t have prior commitments, there’s a big chance I would have. I was seriously considering ditching my weekend plans but I decided to be rational. I’ll stick on my plan and come home on the long independence weekend. 20 days from now. Yes, I counted! I just can’t wait to see my little angel!

This made me realize how differently things are, well at least on my end, between Brandon and Maureen. With Brandon, I was there from the time he was swimming around my sissy’s tummy, from the time he came out, his firsts til he became a grown up little boy. But with Maureen, I was and will be practically absent. Sure, I had a few trips home during her pregnancy. But it was just either a couple of weeks or days. And receiving that text message, made me want to be apart of this miraculous event more than ever. I'd miss out on a lot of Maureen's milestones. Unless, I move back. hahaha goodluck with that.

Anyway, it got me thinking though. How strong me and sister’s bond is. Her anticipation and waiting probably channelled to me too. No wonder I was having an off week. It started Monday that for some reasons, I felt like I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. Awfully bad traffic, nothing seem to fit right, I was disoriented. To sum it all up, I felt I was pre-occupied by something, but I can’t seem to pinpoint what it is. So I guess, this answers it all. My sister’s anxiety, and probably mine too, was demonstrated by my bad week. Imagine that!

Now that Maureen’s out, another hurdle I have to deal with for the next 20 days is my own anticipation of finally seeing her. Good thing Mao will be here next week. At least I’ll see pictures of her as a teaser. But groaning out loud, I wish it was my real little angel already. =)

Santino-ish encounter

It's a common scenario along the streets of Manila that vendors risk their lives everyday selling bottled water, cigarettes, peanuts and what-not. These vendors we see are old, disabled, women holding a child, or just little kids going from car-to-car each time the stop lights turn red. Normally I don't give anything to them. I would just knock back on the window or shake my head.

But that particular Friday night on Makati Ave., stuck on the horrible weekend traffic, I was watching a young boy holding up his sampaguita as he goes car-to-car. No one was buying his sampaguita. Until he approached a girl who had her windows down as she puffs on her cigarette. The girl didn't buy sampaguita from him. But she gathered up her coins and gave it to the boy. There was a faint smile on the face of the boy as he moved away from the car. He probably felt me starring at him that he approached my car next. As he held up his sampaguita up, I shook my head, saying no, thank you. But then he didn't leave just yet. I was thinking, had I not consumed my Chips Ahoy yet, I would have given it to him instead. But too late for that. Then I remembered my change from paying my parking fee. I looked for my P20 then opened the window and gave it to him. He probably thought I was buying a sampaguita as he was getting one for me. I told him, no, keep it. It's for you. But then the little boy insisted, handing me the sampaguita saying, to give it to Papa Jesus. Wow! My heart just melt. He actually wanted to give me one more. I said, no this is fine. Then he said thank you and walked away.

I guess if it were any other boy, he would have walked away the moment I said to keep for himself the money. And perhaps would have rushed away without even saying thank you. But this boy, it was like he was telling me, if not for you, then for Papa Jesus. How can you refuse that? And more importantly, he said thank you. It may be just an overly used response, but for me, it is a big deal especially coming from little kids.

That brief encounter reminded me of a very important teaching. "No one is too poor that he can't give anything." He made me realize that everything doesn't have to be grand. Simple gestures are as enormous as long as you give with utmost sincerity.

I drove home with a light and smiling heart ready for the busy weekend.

Lawyered

It's almost a month since the release of the bar results. I have to say, my parents are still in euphoria. Mom especially. Calling me "Attorney" once in awhile. She likes the sound of it very much. And of course, I smile ear-to-ear everytime I hear it.

I have always been the type to easily brush things off. Whether it's something good or not. I'm like, "whatever". But being lawyered has this lingering effect on me. Sometimes, I'm deadma about it. but most of the time, I still do get that kilig reaction (discreetly of course) everytime I am addressed as attorney or introduced as a lawyer. As much as I want to sound cool about this whole thing, I have to admit that I am still overwhelmed.

Last week was a busy week for me. I did the three steps that would lead me to becoming a legit lawyer. First, secure clearance from the Supreme Court. I guess it is every aspiring lawyers' simple pleasure setting foot on that majestic ground. I beam with pride having reason to go to the SC. It makes me feel lawyer-like. I took the day-off from work. I was supposed to go in the morning. But the tamad that I am, I held it off until after lunch. Parked at Robinsons then walked my way to the SC. Upon entering, I took out my ID then told the guard that I was going to the OBC. The guard said, "new lawyer po kayo?" I couldn't contain myself from smiling, giving a little chuckle and said "yes". Nakakahiya. but what the hell. He didn't get my ID anymore and he made me log in my name, etc.. Then one guard asked for my family name. He was looking at the list, checking. For some weird reasons, my heart began to race a bit. In my mind, i was thinking, "oh shit, my name better be in that list". Then the guard was flipping through the pages, said he couldn't find my name daw! Shet ha. I practically froze and stopped filling out the log book. Then he laughed and said, "dito pala ma'am. Nahanap ko na." Pakshet diba? I had to let out a relief laugh. Yes, it's really official now. Second was the oath-taking. Again, i was deadma about it. I know that it will just last for about an hour. The examiners would be introduced, the top 10, and you recite the lawyer's oath. Done. So I wasn't really looking forward to it nor making it a big deal. but man, it's different being there. Being in the same room with all the justices, goosebumps! I was trying to take it all in. Justice Tinga was entertaining. I love it that he highlighted the achievements of the examiners. It somehow mapped out the vast things that you can do as a lawyer. Only if you choose to do it and if you actually invest time and effort. Truly amazing! The third was the signing of the Roll of Attorneys. The last step of becoming a full-fledged lawyer. The whole process lasted for about an hour. This time, my signature means more than just a mechanical thing to do. Affixing my signature to any document puts my license on the line. Note to self: I have to be careful and read every document I sign from now on.

So I guess this is as official as it gets. Having completed those three steps allows me to affix my bragging right before my name. I love it! =)