A Taste of Fate

I was stuck in traffic yesterday, bored. I found myself thinking (more like reflecting) of what I have been doing for the past year. I smiled as I remember our U.S. trip. And gasp that in a month, it will be a year already! The next picture that crossed my mind was I was sitting with my folks at the dinning area. We were talking about the results of the bar exams. I was fine at first but then I choked! The next thing I know I was sobbing (in fairness not brawling!) already! My mom, probably didn't know what to say, asked, "is this the first time you cried"? I laughed! How cute. I was able to breathe. I answered by saying yes. I said I was expecting to cry myself to sleep the night before, but thankfully sleep came in really fast. There was a blurry memory of my 2nd review and exam. And then work. In between those occasions though, I would have flashes of good times. I grinned pleased.

The biggest realization I had was how interconnected the beginning of last year and this year is. While I was in the U.S. last year, my uncle had been slowly injecting me the idea of staying there. He went as far as making me read job listings for paralegals. He really encouraged me to take time and consider it. They were even planning to bring me around different schools to actually inquire! It was so sweet of them and really, I was touched. Plus, I have to admit I was a bit persuaded. I did inquire with Berkley College of their Paralegal Program. But after seeing the tuition fees, I lost taste for it. I stopped being intrigued and really my interest just went bland. So I decided to stick with the plan and become a lawyer. After the bad news of not making it as a lawyer, I was again back to that injected idea. Go back there and give it a chance. After all, I may not have this kind of opportunity again. I was all set until I changed course.

I am a big believer of things happening for a reason. That's why I never had the habit of questioning things. Especially when something goes wrong. I would just let it go and see the good that comes out of it. And something good did happen!

It was a Tuesday. I was supposed to be studying but for some reason I was in front of the TV watching the news. Then their feature segment, "Know your Law". Interesting. I could use a little brain practice. The topic was about U.S. Immigration. Hmmm Immigration Law. The practice area I was eying on concentrating had I stayed in the U.S. or when I go back. Certainly it caught my attention. At the end of the segment, they showed info about the lawyer. He has an office in Makati! Curiosity really rising up. I mentally took note of his website. A week or so passed, during my breaktime, i was browsing the net. Just when I only have 10mins left, I remembered the website of the Immigration Lawyer. I checked it out. Found an email address then impulsively sent my resume. It was actually a very informal application. I didn't have an application letter ready. So I wrote to him on the message box. After hitting the 'sent' button, I regretted it. I realized, it was very very very informal. My message to him on the message box seemed like I was just writing to a friend! But what the hell, I can't undo it anymore. I actually considered sending another application. This time, more formal. Gladly, I didn't have to. Because days after that, I received a text message from his office inviting me for an interview. I had to reschedule because I had 1 more Sunday of bar exams. 2 days after my initial interview, I was hired and started to work! Hahahaha

It was a whirlwind hiring. So surreal! I got what I wanted at a faster and cheaper way. I'm good. I'm happy where I am now. I love it that I'm learning something different. Looking back, I have to say fate did step in.

Transition

It's the first day of the year! Another 365 days have gone by! Time flies indeed.

I can still recall how we celebrated the New Year 2008 and now, it's another year that we welcomed!

2008 was a good year. Sure, there were a couple of crap-ness that happened but still, it was overshadowed by the good ones. I have a lot more to be thankful for than to complain about. So yes, it was a good year.

Last year, New Year was of course spent at home. We had a few firecrackers only. We were having wine while watching other people's aerial display and my bro-in-law's lighting up ours. My dad actually stopped doing that for awhile. But ever since my sister, Karen, got married, Mao, her hubby, would buy firecrackers. And this year, my dad bought a couple of aerial displays along with other stuffs supposedly for Brandon. Unfortunately though, my little devil is scared. He had his mask on, his cap and my mother's hands on his ears. He complains that the firecrackers were too noisy! Whatta scared-y cat! It ticked me off! Was calling him like crazy to watch the beautiful fireworks, but he wouldn't! It took me awhile to finally drag him out of the garage. And when it struck 12 midnight, I couldn't find him anymore! He was inside the house, with the door open and was sitting on a chair. Silly boy! I just don't know what he was watching... I'm pretty sure he couldn't see anything. He sat so comfortably, feeling safe perhaps, that I just shrugged and smiled.

Ended 2008 with a grateful heart. Welcomed 2009 with optimism. Cheers to a great new year!

Thoughts-y thoughts

I feel like i am reliving my college days. Spending most of the year in Manila and coming home for only a few weeks. Missing out on all important occasions and parties. As a consequence, I was on my toes then where the parties are. You would never find me home on a Friday and Saturday night. I would be out somewhere noisy and of course intoxicated. And on a daily basis, every afternoon I would be chilling with friends at some resto or pool house. That was how we roll. But that was a long time ago.

Now, things have changed. I smile pleased of how much I've 'matured'. hahaha Although I have to admit I am still very much child-like (something I wouldn't probably out grow), perception wise, I have indeed grown up.

It's been a week since I arrived. And I have spent most of it at home. Believe it or not! I haven't realized I miss home so much... This much! There's something about being here that comforts me. I don't feel like going out. I haven't even announced my arrival to my fwends! I would spend the day with my little devil, Brandon. He makes fun of me, draw tattoo on my hand, stick his artworks on my shirt and we watch movie all afternoon. Funny and fun! Priceless! And when Brandon is with his folks, I would be with mine. Chikka-chikka over coffee or watch Betty La Fea together! hahaha My mom is a fan of Pinoy teledramas. Although now, it has been cut to just this show because of my dad's constant tease. John Llyod is one of my mom's crushes, so my dad lets her be. And he ended up watching the show with her, and eventually me!

It's a sign. I am becoming old. Well, not old old. But old, mature. I prefer being with family than with friends now. I enjoy being home more than being somewhere else. Little things, simple pleasures and fun memories. Indeed, the best things in life are free... Family, home and friends.

Someone once asked, "Does maturity come with age or it's just a number?" I say, maturity doesn't come with age. Because maturity cannot be quantified. It is a state of mind. It doesn't grow with the years that come by. Some may be adding up on the years, but their maturity level doesn't. So it's not fair to conclude that just because you're older, you're more mature.

When there are substantial changes on your preferences, it's a clear sign that you have inched closer to maturity. I am glad because I think I have.

Kicking off my holiday vacay

Yesterday, waking up felt weird. My alarm went off on it's usual time. But when i opened my eyes, everything around me was different. I had to pause because I was confused for a moment. Only to realize that I was in my room, in Bacolod! It made me smile. Silly me. How can i forget that I'm home?! And to think, I stayed up til late night unpacking my things! Funny.

I had to be up early because we were going to the farm. Christmas party. Dec.21 happens to be the birthday of my late grandfather too. It's a double feast for us. Anyway, my dad was already up too. He couldn't sleep after my sister had to rush off to her early morning duty. He was lounging on the sofa, with the xmas lights on and xmas carols on the background. So Christmas-y! Something i didn't feel while I was still in Manila. So i made myself a cup of coffee and joined my dad. Coffee talks with my dad is something I always miss. It's no secret I'm the daddy's girl, although not the bratty type. My dad and I, we talk a lot. About anything and everything. We listen to each other's stories and give our 2 cents worth whenever necessary. We had a good conversation, as always. What a way to start my day or vacation at that! =)

Counting down the days

i have been stressing about coming home to Bacolod. I never got the chance to after the bar because i started work right after. as in days after my last exam. 4 days to be exact. by the 3rd week since i started work, i've been restless and been itching to come home. finally set a date, nov.8-9. and it is this weekend already! hooray!

A Wedding

Months ago, I accompanied my mom at the wedding of her friend’s daughter. I didn’t realize that I would be alone the whole affair until it started. I started to regret being there. I should have dropped her off and waited for her at Boni Highstreet then picked her up after. (Wedding was at Every Nation’s Building) But it was too late to do just that. I was there seated alone with people I don’t know, all made up for the occasion. Tsk tsk tsk

It was the first time I attended their service. It’s the same church that Piolo, Ruffa and other celebrities go to. It was not any different from the Catholic’s service. It started out with the candle sponsors lighting the candle. Then followed by the entourage. When it was the turn of the bride’s walk, the groom asked everyone to stand up to welcome his bride. The groom was in tears. Really cute. The bride was beautiful! Crying too but still beautiful. Then the pastor’s ‘homily’. He was very good. I forgot his name though. Hehehe I would just like to share the meat of what he said.

He said, there are three keys to a marriage. Putting Christ in the center of your relationship, having an open communication with your spouse, and maintaining genuine love for one another.

It was great how he expounded on these points. He actually made me nod in agreement a number of times.

Then the vow. I love their vows. It was different from our vows. I was just not sure if they made it or it was their usual vow. It ended with “you acknowledge that you are no longer your own, but completely mine.” Very selfish. I love it! Hehehe

Then the coins, veil and chord. For some reasons, the coins were not found. Then the pastor proceeded to call on the veil sponsors. I like it that they explain what’s going on. The veil is put on the head of the bride symbolizing her acknowledgement to be submissive to her husband. And on the shoulder of the groom symbolizing that he carries all the burden of providing for their family. The chord came late too so it was not explained. After that, they were asked to put off the candles lighted earlier to light a new candle together. It symbolizes that they are extinguishing their individual selves and starting a new life as one.

I never knew of these symbolisms! Is it explained in Catholic’s weddings too? Apparently I was 100% paying attention to the service... because I was not busy gossiping with anyone. Hahaha

Anyway, after the candle, a few more pastors were called to come up the stage together with the parents for a pray over. The father of the groom, then the brother of the bride (the father is deceased) the 2 of the invited pastors prayed for them too.

It was an amazing ceremony! Very meaningful. And very God centered.

After the service, everyone was asked to leave the hall. It will be set up for the reception while the entourage was having their pictorial. Cocktails awaited the guests at the hallway.

At the reception, they had a band. Food was catered by The Manila Catering Services. Motif was a combination of lilac and pink.

One of the principal sponsors was asked to give his words of wisdom for the couple. I would like to share what he said too. He pointed out what the pastor has said during the ‘homily’. LCL – Lord, Communication and Love. He added, ABC - never Abuse, never Blame and never Criticize. True, right? I am telling you. I have learned so much from that wedding.

A Detour

One trip. One conversation. One failure. It’s amazing how one thing can make such a big impact and difference. All this time you have been dreaming and planning of your perfect life. But really, it just takes one detour to turn things around. It maybe for the better or for the worse.

People say there is no such thing as coincidence. They are probably right. But when something happens that you can not explain or comprehend, an easy way to make sense of it all is to consider it as such. Why stress about it when you can not find the answers anyway. So just sit back and wait until it reveals itself to you. Just be vigilant and be open. This revelation may not come as soon as you want it to. Or perhaps it has already happened without you realizing it. It all boils down on how you interpret things. How meticulous you are of seeing the ‘signs’. And of course what attitude you carry.

In every person’s life, there is this one turning point. An incident that will crash your ideal life. For some, they will take full accountability to it. Either they consciously caused it to themselves or allowed others to bring about such misfortunes in their lives. Expected somehow. Others are however left in awe. Not knowing the reason. Not having something to point their finger to.

For the more optimistic, that incident is an eye opener that things don’t go always as planned. And for the best part, it is not the end of the world. There are a lot of other possibilities and opportunities waiting to be stumbled upon. If you are brave and a risk taker, the new path you are headed to will almost certainly be more promising and more fulfilling. You just have to learn to be receptive. Give it a chance and see if you like it. If you do, well and good. But if not, it was just one option you chose. You now know that the world offers you a whole lot more. Communicate with yourself and find out what it is you want at this moment. Then give it a try. Set a new goal and work on it.

Sadly, others are not as strong and hopeful. One incident sends them down the drain. The worst part is they end up wishing of the life they know they can not have anymore. It becomes hard to get out of the pit. The result? Failure after failure. Every road leads to a dead end. Making it even more difficult to straighten things out because the pit you are in just keeps on getting deeper. In situations like this, it takes more than mere planning. A decision has to be made that you want to get out of this predicament coupled with a real determination. And faith that something good will come out of it.

This year, my turning point happened. It started with my trip early this year. Never in my wildest imagination did I think it was possible. For me, it was too far-fetched. But it happened nevertheless. Of course, I was thrilled. That trip was my eye opener. My conversations with relatives, friends and acquaintances made me realize the vast things I can do. It painted a completely different world that I can be apart of. Something I would not have thought of. Surprisingly though, I liked it. I went out of my way to actually take steps of inquiring about the opportunities. My mind was processing things crazily. Weighing the pros and cons. I was definitely getting ahead of myself. I almost made an impulsive decision of staying. But I had to hold myself down. After all, I was still tied to my long time plan. I didn’t want things to get mixed up or leave things hanging. I wanted to stick with it. So I went home. Although a big part of me was wishing I didn’t. Then a week later, I received a bad news. My failure. Unexpectedly, I was ok about it. I mean, considering how big a deal it was supposed to be. Or it was probably my defense mechanism to shield myself from feeling the pain, the embarrassment and the disappointment. I kept myself busy by planning my next move. But never did I allow myself to sulk or be bitter about it. In my mind, I was thinking, ‘God does not take away something without giving something better in return.’ With me though, He gave me something first before He took away another thing. I was grateful for that. It made the coping easier. From then on, I allowed Him to lead me. Deep down, I know He has a reason for all of these. So I am patiently and carefully piecing the signs together. Slowly making sense of things. Acknowledging my naiveté of interpreting things. I was seeing only what I want to see and what is favourable to me. It makes me sigh sometimes how literally I took things in.

Where I am now, seems like a route toward the world I liked and want to be apart of. I would not be here now had I not made that trip, or had that conversation or experienced that failure. It’s so surreal. It was all in preparation of the life that I should be living. Gradually, fate is unfolding before me. Im good where I am now. I wouldn't have it any other way. =)